Ask Lemmy

Man fuck that girl, fuck those cops, fuck that psycho guy, fuck that small town, fuck your cell carrier. Fuck every character in this story except you. And maybe your dad.

Crazy! I have a similar ish story. Girlfriend and I went to the bird refuge at night to smooch in the car and a truck pulls up behind us, after a minute we decide to leave and they follow. Very rural area. The truck passes and then stops in front of us, we go around and then it's like my life became a videogame. The truck passed again and this time stops more horizontal to block both lanes, I start to go around and they pull forward, I'm able to go around their other side. I had a shitty manual that could do 0 to 60 in like 40 seconds but I felt fast. A few 90 degree turns on the road. Quite a lot happened on the chase, they nearly rear ended me when I tried to not let them pass, turned around after they passed, turned around again later. Told my girlfriend to call the police but she was crying and screaming and didn't. And then they ran me off the road into a ditch. 2 guys get out of the truck, I get out of my camry and they're like "who the fuck are you?!!" I yelled it back at them. They said they're looking for some person who wasn't me. I called them a bunch of names. They towed me out of the ditch. I never told my parents because they were Mormon and I didn't want to get in trouble for going to the refuge with my girlfriend at night lol. It 100% doesn't feel like it really happened

This sounds made-up.

Not the happy ending I was hoping for. Here's how you should have ended it:

"Turns out, the guy she was cheating on my with gets fired from the college for inappropriate relations with students. Afterwards, he gets a job at my dad's company as a corporate trainer - reporting to my dad! My dad knows who he is, but keeps it a secret for the next 8 years. All the while, he continuously passes the guy up for promotions, gives him the shitiest work to do, bad performance reviews every year, and generally makes his work life hell. It's a small town though, so there is literally no where else for him to go.

Meanwhile, at home, my ex and the cheater are having trouble conceiving. Since they can't afford the premium insurance at work, the fertility treatments they need are too expensive. They decide to keep trying instead of adopting, and eventuality the clock runs out. She's 40 and it's too dangerous to try and have kids at that point. They give up.

My dad finally decides to retire and the cheater thinks it's his big chance to finally get promoted. Instead, my dad recommends hiring me as his replacement. They follow his recommendation. Day one, cheater confronts me about how angry he is and I fire him on the spot for insubordination.

He's now out of work with no option. They can't afford to relocate. So, my ex has to get a job. She has no skills or experience so she decides to work the local gentlemens club. However, at 40+, she's not pulling in the tips, so she starts turning tricks for more money. To steer clear of the police, she starts bringing the Johns home for work. Cheater has to sit in the next room while he listens to her get plowed over and over by random dudes ever night. Every once in a while, he'll hear through the wall one of the Johns ask "How'd you end up doing this?". To which she replies, "My man just couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut at work.". It's not too long after, on a night where she's satisfying two dudes at once - one a local mechanic the cheater knew growing up, and the other the local youth pastor - that he decides to eat a bullet.

It's been 3 years since then. My ex is still working, though with her age, she's had to leave the local club locations and frequent the truck stops more. Every once in a while, I'll stop for gas and meet eyes with her as she exits a truck on the other side of the parking lot. She never waves. She just stares. Then, she gets into the next truck."

Edit: Epilogue: Those cops died of dick cancer.