Ask Lemmy

My mother has borderline personality disorder. She regards people as furniture she rearranges to suit her, or she tosses them out of her life and finds someone new, continually blowing through friend after friend. She regards her children and husband as extensions of her will. She's dangerous and violent and manipulative. My father had a group of good friends when they met, and one by one she decided they weren't good enough and eliminated them.

He just bends to her will no matter what it is. Sometimes he gets irritated and snaps back, but ultimately caves.

She forced my brother to pretend he wasn't gay for years. She is now doing her best to break up his relationship apparently. I am estranged from them all. She is pathologically obsessed with my appearance, to the point where I cannot bear to be in the same room as her because she's always scrutinizing every millimeter of me, be it negative or positive.

And he's just forever let her. He knows full well what she does, and that it has permanently cost them their relationship with me. Yet if I talked to him about her behaviour he would just insist repeatedly that she loved me. She most certainly does not. She doesn't love anyone really, she's not capable. Her disorder can only be described as malignant.

Every year he calls me on my birthday, I have their number blocked but my carrier lets it go to voice mail and he leaves this pathetic message saying he misses me. But that doesn't change that he does nothing to stand up to her or defend me.

So he was basically pointless in my life. We didn't do anything together, he didn't teach me anything or help me much.