this post was submitted on 09 May 2024
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[–] [email protected] 236 points 6 months ago (10 children)
  1. Cut the cake into portions equal to the number of attendees. Maybe a couple more if you want to save a few slices. Everyone gets to enjoy cake at the party
  2. Grab a fork, and eat it alone. At a party. All the attendees just watch as you gorge yourself on far more cake than one person should consume. Take the rest home and freeze it so you can continue to be the only one to enjoy it

Capitalists see nothing wrong with option 2.

[–] [email protected] 89 points 6 months ago (3 children)

I prefer option 3: Everyone brings some cake to the party, and everyone gets to enjoy the variety of flavors, because we all pooled resources.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 6 months ago (5 children)

Cake potluck for a birthday is a dope idea!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 6 months ago

The sheer fucking amount of cake that would be leftover at the end would make me sick.

I mean, I'd eat it all, so therefore, I'd get sick.

But most people usually bring too much to a potluck, and with cake it would likely be even more. So much leftover cake.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 months ago (2 children)

I used to do potluck pie parties, because people are happy to go savory with pie. Chicken pot pie, tamale pie, beef and onion, etc. It’s all about tasty with a crust.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

You just blew my mind...great idea!!! First though, it's time to get friends...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Awesome. We had wedding pies instead of cake. Who doesn't want 10 kinds of pie to choose from?!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 months ago

I've been to a few low budget weddings that did this. It was awesome. No $10K dinner bill for the newly weds, just a shit ton of homemade desserts.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

A panluck? God, I would be so in. And you could really get experimental with the cake if you knew it wasn't the only one there.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

Maybe if we say which cake we will bring....otherwise you end up with multiple of the same type, or maybe the exact one if not home made.... Which sucks.

[–] ironhydroxide 16 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Or option 4: everyone brings some ingredients, or skills, and we all bake varying cakes which are then enjoyed by all, because it's a cooperating group that doesn't give one asshole all the cake that's baked.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago (2 children)

How many hours is that supposed to take?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 6 months ago

It usually takes an hour to bake the cake, but since there are 10 of us it only takes 6 minutes.

[–] ironhydroxide 3 points 6 months ago

As little as needed. No reason to force people to sit around acting like they're baking cake.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago

This should be a thing

[–] [email protected] 26 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Don't forget to stab people with your fork, if they get too close to your cake.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (3 children)

Pfftt, amateur hour. You're not a real capitalist success story until you've hoarded enough wealth to afford hiring a poor person to do your fork-stabbing for you.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

The post is about the Police.

[–] ironhydroxide 4 points 6 months ago

Nah, Just claim you'll give them enough to one day hope to have as much cake as you, then only let small crumbs fall so the government has to step in and feed them for you.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

You can also have them go out and stab those who try to make they own cakes and cut you out of the equation.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

CUT MY CAKE INTO PORTIONS
EQUAL TO THE NUMBER OF PEEPS
MANY SLICES
SO YUMMY
THIS IS THE BEST PARTY

[–] [email protected] 19 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

Capitalist version:

CUT MY CAKE IN NO PIECES

THIS IS MY SOLO TORTE

IT'S JUST FOR MY

OWN EATING

DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF IT MEANS THAT I'M GREEDY

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Cut my cake into pieces
I've eaten my solo tort
All for me, no sharing Oh did you think I'd be sharing?
Do you even care if I die eating?
It would be right, it's always right
To hog the cake to myself
Let the proles eat what they might
All the cake is out of sight
And I'm contemplating a second plate

Cuz I'm eating my cake, Eating my cake
No one else is eating my cake
Eating my cake, eating my cake
No one else even needs a plate

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 months ago

I can't even think about this song without Angry White Boy Polka playing in my head lol

[–] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago

SOLO TORTE

Perfection

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 months ago

CUT MY CAKE INTO PIECES! THIS IS MY PLASTIC FORK!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 months ago

The cake is a lie!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 months ago

Of course each attendee in scenario 2 will give you two cookies for participating.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

But I don't like cake. Please don't make me eat it all.

[–] [email protected] -4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

That’s the beauty of capitalism, it’s your cake. Do whatever you want with it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] zalgotext 1 points 6 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago

Where I live we just cut portions as we go

[–] [email protected] -1 points 6 months ago

Option 2 is 100% somebody's fetish.

I had this intrusive thought and now you have to too!