this post was submitted on 26 Apr 2024
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[–] [email protected] 48 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Hey, hey, he's clearly the real victim here.

I mean, so what if he went to the capital armed with a metal whip and bear spray, both of which he used on the cops? So what if he climbed through a window at the capital? He's obviously very patriotic.

Sadly, I need to add a /s here.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

He was obviously so excited to be near the peaceful process of reading out the Electoral votes that when the large group of tourists blocked his way that he just couldn't help himself so he decided to go through the window to jump the line and get into the Rotunda first. It's clearly a case of over enthusiasm for the smooth and boring operation of the Republic.

He also wasn't soliciting a minor of anything nefarious, your honor! No, he was just reaching out to teach them about why our structure of three branches of government have demonstrated a wisdom in government design that's a wonder of the world!

He was also just holding the metal whip for a friend. He though the bear spray was deodorant and since people had been working so hard to ensure the large group of tourists at the Capitol had a good time he thought he was doing the police a favor by making them smell nicer.

/s

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

All very plausible, I'm sure that's it.