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Yeeeeaaahhhh same here. Grew up in a podunk Arkansas town. You are right to sneer at these people. The most casually awful things will just come out of their mouths without thought; like "I'm proud to be white, ain't you?" levels of fucked up. Or, when talking about buying baby clothes that might be too 'boyish' for a girl, saying "Better not, you never know what will turn 'em."
These are both real situations that have happened to my husband and I that I can remember off the top of my head. They are not willing to be reasoned with (kindly or otherwise), they will just close ranks and ostracize you. Everyone can keep their pity, because even if they had it, they'd throw it back at you because they just don't like people who aren't like them.
I understand the human desire to empathize with a group, but trust me, it's being put in the wrong place here.
Do you think improved public education would help, or is it more familial/social mores that drive the fear of differences?