For some reason the tag post didn't work last time and the thread didn't get stickied. I want to get this going again, and rather than agonizing over the perfect wording of a new chapter post, I want to re-post this one and see if we can't get a spotlight on it this time.

WHERE TO GET THE BOOK: http://libgen.is/book/index.php?md5=F6B31A8DAFD6BD39A5986833E66293E6

PRIOR THREADS:

• Introduction
• Chapter One
• Chapter Two
• Chapter Three
• Catch-up/Revival

So again, been a minute. I've been dealing with a lot of shit, and kept putting this off because I really didn't want to half-ass it. So I guess I'm using three quarters of my ass here.

In chapter 4, Dr. Price goes over the various flawed ways masked autistics keep themselves going just to function, and how incredibly debilitating the effects of all this are. Namely substance abuse, eating disorders, detachment/disassociation, adherence to rigid belief systems, and fawning/people-pleasing. I've experienced all of these to some degree or another myself, and have been working extremely hard to find my way out of the dark forest. I keep bumping into trees (social problems).

Anyway, Dr Price talks about how booze and weed are seen as gateways to social acceptance since it makes you more relaxed and people expect "goofy" behavior out of the inebriated. Eating disorders allow us to be focused on being thin and pretty, or else just burying our feelings under a mountain of junk food, or binging and purging -- anything to seize some control. Detachment/disassociation allow us to function, technically, even when internally we just have to shut down and carry on with what we're doing. Rigid belief systems? Very good way to easily sort out "good" and "bad" things and people. Fawning? Something every socially successful autistic person has fallen back on at some point as reflexive self-defense, but also a strategy people lean into to be liked (but not respected).

The reasons for these behaviors are pretty plain to see, as is the damage they do to us. This one resonated with me a lot; I'll have to take some time to write out my thoughts in full later on, but I wanted to get this one posted because I've been putting it off long enough. Discussion questions:

• As usual, any passages or quotes that really stick out to you? Anything confusing or enlightening?
• What flawed coping strategies have you used to get through life? What has it cost you?
• Are you still struggling with any of these? Are you starting to realize you're struggling and just didn't notice the specific way yet?

Tag post to follow, my own thoughts later on.

Definitely check this out.

I'm interested in their repository of data for Autistic people.

Thoughts on the interview?

Listen to it for an hour while you're doing other things.

Check it out.

Highly recommended podcast, though a bit liberal.

Hosts are well-worth it and have their radical moments.

@[email protected]

Are you involved in an org? Why/Why not?

If you are, what's it like for you as a neurodivergent person? Do you feel like you have a niche or otherwise fit in?

(while this is inspired by meta events this isnt a meta post its just feelings im having about it right now. Im going to have to vageuly explain that without being too specific though).

When you have like, wholesome motives for something, and someone imposes untoward motives for the thing. That sucks a lot!

Ive always had trouble with people like... imposing thoughts when only I own and control my brain. My mom used to like, accuse me of being selfish for things like, say, when our adult cousins came over to help with some work on the house, and I sat in my room relaxing because it was the weekend, and she started yelling at me that Im supposed to ask to help. And my problem was she was accusing me of being actively negligent by not doing so when it was more that my brain never even thought of that in the first place. I wasnt being malicious because its not like I thought of it and proactivly ignored it. I just didnt think of it.

And now today I had warm family emotions towards an image and shared it with others, and they impsosed sexual motives towards me that I didnt have. And that really upset me because my feelings about the image werent about that at all.

I just wish people wouldnt assume like that.

or have I just started taking magnesium again?

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/2424270

Oh look, it's me.

I was supposed to do boring life stuff today but I got heavily sidetracked by trying to model a physics problem.

This sort of distraction happens a lot to me, when I'm meant to be doing one chore but drop it and do a different one when I see it needs to be done. Like needing to clean the stove, then noticing the cupboards aren't clean, and then staying up late cleaning my kitchen from top to bottom. The sort of thing where it's hard to find motivation but once I do then I'm unstoppable.

I have a friend on adderall, and how he describes that drug it wouldn't work to help this because it helps you focus, but not necessarily on the right thing. He once took it to finish an assignment and then got fixated on a videogame instead and played it until 5am.

I notice a lot of people use terms like "psychotic" or "psychopath" as insults and negative descriptions on here. These are clinical terms that are used to describe real people with difficulties, not boogeymen! I don't disagree with the sentiment that these people are doing wrong, but if you wouldn't use the r-slur or "autistic" as an insult (which you shouldn't) then you shouldn't use these words either. And I get the idea of calling someone delusional, but take care that you don't just mean "I disagree with them." Though by posting on neurodiverse I imagine I'm preaching to the choir.

Sincerely, a casual schizoaffective disorder haver.

All I want to do is fight and fuck and drink myself to death, I know they're all bad ideas but it's so hard to stop myself. I live angry at everything all of the time. People avoid me, which makes sense as I can rage at a seconds notice.

This episode is just starting, so far I've been handling it better then past ones but I have anywhere between another month to another year stuck in this state. I don't even get the cool manic energy that lets you crank out a book or something else worth while. I just have constant nervous energy that can't be put to any use. Fortunately I have pets, if I didn't have to be responsible for them I think I'd bounce on my whole life. I know that's a classic bi-polar feeling and will seem like a terrible idea when I come out of this but fuck every thing and everyone sucks. (except for you guys )

I don’t know why and I’m scared to know, but crying is a feeling on par with some indescribable pain. Can anyone else relate in any way

Just throwing this out there as a PSA.

Was bored at work and ended up reading something about vitamin deficiencies caused by some ADHD medications (from what I remember Adderall and Vyvanse). Among those listed was magnesium deficiency being a possible side effect. Went and bought a supplement last week and it's noticeably improved two different minor health problems I was dealing with (constipation and excessive popping in joints, particularly my wrists).

Bowel movements are now effortless and my wrists are much quieter. It's kinda crazy how drastic the change was. Can't find the original article I was reading but googling Adderall magnesium deficiency brings up a few different things to read.

There's really four parts, but give it a read-through.

So I found out a guy who we used to mutually call each other best friend is having a baby. Its been a LONG time since we talked regularly. We still live in reasonable distance from each other, but far enough that its difficult to connect. And also Ive been depressed and not socially active irl for a good 8 years now lol. My only good irl friend friend dumped me a year ago over a stupid misunderstanding. But i had no friendship ending drama with this other friend.

Anyway, I was like "hey itd be nice to be part of your kid's life". Thing is, Im very good with kids, and thats like a core part of who I am as a person, but something my irl friends have repeatedly shown that they do not understand about me lol. (that other irl friend friend dumping me's reasoning for doing it included a very fundemental misunderstanding of that for example).

Anyway, my friend there said "idk its been so long since we've talked, maybe eventually" and I was taken aback a bit. I mean, on one level I get it. The mother of his kid doesnt even know me so thats a big reason for that. But like...

OK, studies show that autistic people do NOT do the whole "friendship degrading with noncommunication" thing. Something I always found weird in the Sims is how friendships degrade when you dont talk to them frequently (unless you max them out lol). Stardew does the same thing I think? And besides finding that annoying just from a gameplay perspective, I also didnt get it because like... wait is that how people think? Because i DONT. I dont really lose feelings of affection or freindship from noncommunication alone. Someone needs to DO something to me for me to change my opinion of them. And like, me and this friend have had our drama lol. He's a bit of a narcissist, not a "cant safely be friends with him" kind of narcissist but a "friendship with him will have toxic moments" type. And he mistreated an ex pretty bad, but that ex is still friends with him so I won't impose victimhood on her. (Our mutual ex is another story there, I really need to reconnect with her someday, but I always was very confused who was the perpetrator of mistreatment in that relationship because they both seemed pretty toxic, but anyway). But like. NONE of that is 'Wow you are NOT my friend anymore" stuff. Just stuff to be aware of and work around for me. Idk.

These are not coherent thoughts completrly but I like that I can dump them here from time to time.

They were serving me and I recognised them, I said oh hey I see you at boxing don't I, and she said aye and TURNED AWAY

Lately I have been trying to get myself to go out more often. I have been going to a few meetup groups with other people in my city to try to get myself to socialize a bit more, because I have a really hard time with it. They have all gone fine and I have had a good time, but something that I have noticed is that nearly everyone, at least in these situations, just want to talk about their job. Many of them would literately not talk about anything else at all. I'll even attempt to try to talk about something else, but the conversation always goes back to them talking about their job. I'm fine with telling people about what I do for work and what not, but I swear nearly everyone at these meetups just wanted to talk about their job. Personally, the last thing I want to talk about in a casual conversation is talk about my job, but it seems like the complete opposite for everyone else. The organizer of one of these meetups even asked people to try to talk about things not work work related and people still did anyways. There were several people even networking one one of these meetups, even when they were told not to?

It's not that I don't want people to talk about their jobs, especially if they enjoy it. I just feel like my work isn't interesting at all, so I don't have a lot to say about it to other people. I don't know if talking about your job is just a common thing for other people my age and I am just stubborn about it cause Autism and what not, or if I am actually frustrated that I have a hard time adding to those conversations. It makes me feel really dumb when other people are having these conversations and I have no idea what to say, and feeling like I can't connect with anyone at all. It happened so much at the last meetup that I almost felt too stupid to talk to other people and just sat around a lot trying to find someone not talking about their job. Is this just a normal thing for most people that I need to get used to?

WHERE TO GET THE BOOK: http://libgen.is/book/index.php?md5=F6B31A8DAFD6BD39A5986833E66293E6

PRIOR THREADS:

• Introduction
• Chapter One
• Chapter Two
• Chapter Three
• Catch-up/Revival

So again, been a minute. I've been dealing with a lot of shit, and kept putting this off because I really didn't want to half-ass it. So I guess I'm using three quarters of my ass here.

In chapter 4, Dr. Price goes over the various flawed ways masked autistics keep themselves going just to function, and how incredibly debilitating the effects of all this are. Namely substance abuse, eating disorders, detachment/disassociation, adherence to rigid belief systems, and fawning/people-pleasing. I've experienced all of these to some degree or another myself, and have been working extremely hard to find my way out of the dark forest. I keep bumping into trees (social problems).

Anyway, Dr Price talks about how booze and weed are seen as gateways to social acceptance since it makes you more relaxed and people expect "goofy" behavior out of the inebriated. Eating disorders allow us to be focused on being thin and pretty, or else just burying our feelings under a mountain of junk food, or binging and purging -- anything to seize some control. Detachment/disassociation allow us to function, technically, even when internally we just have to shut down and carry on with what we're doing. Rigid belief systems? Very good way to easily sort out "good" and "bad" things and people. Fawning? Something every socially successful autistic person has fallen back on at some point as reflexive self-defense, but also a strategy people lean into to be liked (but not respected).

The reasons for these behaviors are pretty plain to see, as is the damage they do to us. This one resonated with me a lot; I'll have to take some time to write out my thoughts in full later on, but I wanted to get this one posted because I've been putting it off long enough. Discussion questions:

• As usual, any passages or quotes that really stick out to you? Anything confusing or enlightening?
• What flawed coping strategies have you used to get through life? What has it cost you?
• Are you still struggling with any of these? Are you starting to realize you're struggling and just didn't notice the specific way yet?

Tag post to follow, my own thoughts later on.

HF autist, ADHD but sorta medicated(probably too low of a dose).

I've been trying to acknowledge/identify something that I feel has been having a lot of negative effects on my life lately. When I'm working on learning something or solving a problem, I'll often hit a point of frustration where all my interest to move past it is suddenly lost.

This will be something like dealing with something annoying at work. But also in creative pursuits, ie I slacked on practicing guitar for a couple weeks and now some knowledge I had is just gone and I'm frustrated I need to start a few steps back.

Things like games with few save points were never fun for me. On many occasions, I'd drop a game completely after forgetting to save and losing hours of progress.

Basically once I get this feeling of frustration, I glaze over and start feeling really tired and annoyed. Like I hit a wall and the only thing that stops it is going to sleep. A few times I've straight up gone to bed hours early just to avoid simmering in the frustration.

Undiagnosed dude here, been accused of it my whole life and people I assume that I have it, yadda yadda

But at every point in my life, I’ve lost people because they grew up while I remained childish. And I guess I’m at that point again, I didn’t want something about my personality I can’t change be the reason I lose people who are important to me

Does this make any sense

Did anyone else have experiences in school where they started you on medication around age 5 and did not inform you of how the condition worked after diagnosis? How was it like trying to find more information about it in adulthood? I'm looking for others to compare to with my own experiences.

For me it was a diagnosis at age 5 after referral by the school to a psychiatrist and years of being told I'd “outgrow” it. I had problems at times with procrastination that led to issues with school work at different points a few years into being off medication. I guess I just want to understand what it was all about.

The nurse practitioner I'm seeing about my ADHD diagnosed me with bipolar disorder

She literally could not have surprised me more if she tried

This makes no sense to me but it's scaring me a lot :(

I don't really remember having manic episodes? Depressive maybe but it's usually after something bad happens to me and not really consistently....

I told her I put off making this appointment cuz I've been feeling really bad recently, then she just asked me a few questions like if people say I talk too much sometimes or if I do things impulsively and prescribed me an antipsychotic (aripiprazole) wtf

I asked some family and they haven't noticed anything like this... idk :(. Has this happened to anyone else? Am I just in denial? I'm afraid to take this drug she gave cuz I really don't need to be even more tired all the time... or tardive dyskinesia or something (unlikely, worst case)

Not going to go in detail but I've learned I'm too autistic to do like, most organizing work

Anybody else? I just kinda do basic administrative manual labor type shit now

It seems like the person not online as much sort of simulates a lot of unwritten social rules that only people who are able to learn those rules are able to see.

Can someone please tell me they know what I mean by this

I also plan on going over this in my next therapy session along with me possibly having pathological demand avoidance and executive dysfunction, but wanted some spicy(and real) takes from other terminally online ND commies that are forced to go outside occasionally.

So, I'm atheist/nihilist/it's complicated but I go to church with my Christian wife and my kids on Sundays and sometimes Wednesday evenings. It's fine, whatever. I've actually made a few friends there and some of them are aware that I am bleak-brained about religion.

Some of them who know me more personally even will ask if they can hug me or whatever. It's fine if I know it's coming and it's with someone I know and can prepare for.

But like 99.9% of the rest of those people and the rest of humanity can fuck the fuck right off. Why do randos feel obligated to touch other people?

In that church, we are part of a "small group" and the last one we joined, a dude there who I never met, just came up and hugged me. Did that the next few times too before I was able to shut the hug down a handshake compromise. I didn't wanna be mean about it and figured a handshake was bearable. I'm used to them from the stupid fucking formalities that come with job interviews. Sure, fuck it.

But then the old fart that holds the door open like Jesus would have wanted... whey does he feel obligated to give me a back pat? Don't fucking touch me maybe?

This last Sunday they had new Elders selected(I don't get it either. Spend 2 months asking how they can select more inclusive Elders and still pick 4 old white dudes) but I was walking passed one and he felt the holy spirit in him to gently pinch the bottom part of my bicep in some weird fucking "coochie coochie coo" display. Like what possessed him to do that? Never talked to him outside the casual stupid fucking small talk. Dear dude with the bizzaro tickle fetish, could you fucking not?

I spent all my life suffering from anticipatory anxiety of people touching me in all these dumb fucking rituals of hand shakes and shoulder clasping and I would dearly like them to fucking stop.

So, how do I actually do it? I am extremely blunt and have a short temper and feel like if I don't get this sorted I'm gonna blow the fuck up at the next person who touches me without my permission.

Tips, tricks, bear strength pepper spray?

I have been a radical on laziness ever since I received my ADHD diagnosis (this was almost 10 years ago now.) It wasn't until just today that I found an explanation for WHY I felt this way about the word "lazy" and "laziness". This guy sums it up better than I ever could.

Nothing will send me into a rage more than hearing someone describe someone else as "lazy". I have zero filter on the subject. I have, and will continue to, lambaste people who genuinely express the notion that someone's problem is that they are simply "lazy". It's a weasel word. It's a thought terminating descriptor. It is the farthest from a materialist perspective you could have. People who genuinely believe in the concept of laziness are void of empathy, and need to be told such. Laziness is a bourgeois notion, used to trivialize your situation.

If you have been telling yourself that you are "lazy" or that your problems would just "go away" if you could just stop being so "lazy" I need you to understand something:

You are not lazy!

You are the product of your material conditions, this includes your social conditions. Changing those conditions is not a simple matter, but hopefully recognizing the root of your "laziness" can help you make moves to find more compatible conditions.