The writing is far better than what I might produce, so I won't talk about that. I do have a comment about the themes/politics.
I can totally understand the theme of handicap/neglect as a feeling that the marketing would evoke. What goes mostly unexamined is that these guys know what they are doing when they are "optimizing" fetuses. I agree that the first stages of gene editing would function like expensive new healthcare, and equity of access would be an issue. But once as much money as you're describing is circulating in the system, it would have to turn into fetishizing arbitrary shit. (You kind of touched on this with the million dollar retina color.)
I would love to read a story about how the creators of this tech don't understand what good they have created and immediately start circling around their incoherent conceptions of human perfection. I want to read about biohackers getting sued for using Evolve's proprietary lab techniques to develop inexpensive personal gene therapies. I want to read about self-help groups for rich kids whose parents followed a gene-editing fad and effectively gave them a man-made niche disability.
If we grant gene editing to be transformational for human life, I would want to work out why different people want to use it. On one hand by engineers who want to make available remedies to common suffering. On the other hand capitalists and pundits who have used genetical deficiency to explain away every failure and irritating opinion in their life, god forbid they have to do some actual introspection.
I suppose my suggestion as a partisan hack is: I want my enemies mocked harder.
I'd be looking forward to it!