Yep, ASD. We are intelligent. We are perfectionists. We take our sweet time to learn about the world around us. Once we've learnt about something, we are quite sure of it, & hence we're strongly opinioniated on things we know. Stupidity, and not being able to see things correctly may even 'trigger' us, & hence we can come across as arrogant. We can see the forest for the trees, but we lose our minds because the rest of the world only sees the trees for the trees.
You sound like someone on the ASD spectrum - honest, principled, not confirming to social norms, overthinking. You had to mask to survive, yes, so obviously there is a facade, but that don't make you a thief. You are thoughtful & intelligent, & capable of using logic to steer the conversation, but that don't make you manipulative. You are honest man with morals, how can you not be kind? Why don't you consider yourself a nice person?
All labels create division, intended or not. There is oneness in all living beings, we know this when we are born, but by the age of 5, we develop our own identity, we see the you & I as separate, the haves & the have nots, & suddenly we have two-ness. Early Eastern religions also taught this.
Everything disappears. What remains is that I am the universe, as are you, as are my cats, and everyone else, all alike, all a version of each other, all one, all with just a momentary lifetime of consciousness, some lucky not being bombed. But most live it being consumed by the dance of work & money & religion & relationships & fashion & pop culture & all of the social dogmas like any of that is what life is all about. When I focus & connect with my humanity, I see that none of it is real, all of it is made up, socially agreed upon, maybe even legally encoded depending on situation. The only thing real is here & now. And what we truly yearn is each other's company, ie. to 'connect with the universe'.
Hey man, it sounds like you're burnt out. You need to get out of there so you could reset your base anxiety to normal levels. You really can't get much done when you're burnt out & overwhelmed. Lists & time management tools are useless if you're under duress. Exercise, music, & hugs will help. Take your vitamins. Go for a run. And here's a virtual hug from me to you. This too shall pass, everything's gonna be alright. I know easy for me to say.
Creative people in the Reddit/Lemmy village are the geeks & intellectuals
Somewhere along the way, I learned that for a village to thrive, the creative people (the artisans, the musicians etc) must move in first, they form the roots, then the rest of the village follows them.
The creative people moved from Digg to Reddit. That's what made Reddit Reddit, not the brand, or the UI, or some genius exec.
The creative people have mass migrated to Lemmy, & hence Lemmy will thrive. How do you know - see where og memes originate. Genius is not the domain of AI, & hence Reddit is Deaddit. We're now just waiting for the rest to follow.
Aw don't be sorry, their loss really. It's wild how free I feel, no alarms, no schedules, no daily anxiety, my time is mine & at every moment I'm free to do whatever I want, I wish everyone could feel this way
When I was in college (a few decades ago), I was quite athletic, but once, I participated in a little marathon. 20 minutes in, I realized this was dumb & just walked back to the starting point. I still remember my thoughts - like why am I chugging along, rattling my entire being, & for what purpose, it's just boring & pointless. I think with ADHD, we're always calculating effort applied & reward received, & exercise is hard to justify. I haven't run for fun ever.
Call me a coward, but I'm more of a problem solver. Within these tinted walls of depression, if I squint really hard, I can see the light in the corner. Yes, I do see the light. Don't kill yourself, you're more valuable just being there for your brothers, or better still, helping create the world we all want. We have no choice but to accept the current reality, and live with it every day, but still - keep your chin up, & keep working towards the future you want. #WeRiseTogether
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Here & now, here & now, here & now, I chant in my head as that's all we have.