ellabee

alcohol definitely shuts down some of the anxiety, makes the shy less of a thing. i was a complete lightweight, too, so half a cocktail was enough to loosen up. never life of the party, but i could engage and not be a wallflower.

but when i was back to sober, i'd have so much more anxiety about how i had been perceived while i was less inhibited. and recreational drugs, including alcohol, leave me super depressed when i'm back to sober.

i will still talk the ear off the people i'm most comfortable with.

it's hard to untangle introvert, shy, and social anxiety.

these are my definitions, as someone with all 3: introvert - i rest and recover by being alone. shy - meeting new people is more scary than exciting. i don't like being the center of attention or on stage. social anxiety - i constantly worry about what people think of me. even when i'm alone, i review previous interactions for "clues".

introversion by this definition isn't something you need to get over. you might find that you are still refreshed and recovered after spending quality time with your most intimate friends and lovers, or you might need true alone time away from even those you love most.

you get over shy with practice. meet lots of new people, at whatever pace is stressful but not overwhelming. take public speaking courses. join a theater group.

social anxiety is where it's actually unhealthy. i needed a therapist to tell me it's not normal, everyone isn't secretly, constantly, evaluating every interaction. i need medication to help quiet those thoughts. if therapist and medication are too much for you, know that most people don't think about things that much. remind yourself as often as you need to. redirect the worry to other things - did i do the dishes? is there a way to improve efficiency at work? know that working through the shyness while struggling with social anxiety is doing it on hard mode. give yourself time.

definitely not. i hope you can find something to help.

imagine you start to get your shit together, start some habits to get you on a better footing, and then there's a week where you just can't every month. and maybe there's also a mid-month slump, because hormones suck.

i didn't see a therapist until i had one weekend to run all the errands, see doctors and vets, clean the house up... there was just the one weekend where i was sure i'd have enough of an upswing.

-general anxiety and depression diagnosis, plus PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoria disorder), the drugs are great and i'm better now

my grandpa used commode, but i haven't heard it from anyone younger. grandpa was a Depression era kid, and the family was poor to begin with.

he also said "shorts" instead of "underpants", which caused my brother who only wore long pants some confusion and trouble.

you mean the thing where people, often women, have spent decades trying to expose the abuse happening in private homes, and trying to get it addressed?

because that's what happened. women's voices, speaking about marital rape and domestic abuse. getting the political power to change laws, to make it illegal, and give domestic victims the means to escape. it also surfaced the child abuse, again. it's just not been buried again yet.

if one of these just ramps up the anxiety, skip that sense and do the others. trying to pick 5 things i can see is. ..not useful. ..in a panic attack. but closing my eyes and doing the others does help. it took a very long time before someone suggested skipping sight to me, so i share the insight whenever this method is suggested.

my cat loses it if she wakes up and can't see me. I live in a studio. there aren't a lot of "out of sight" options. at one point, there was just a screen between me, in my computer chair, and her, on the bed. we still did the whole call and response.

she doesn't look for me, she just starts yelling until I respond.

what a cutie!

yep. I self-select out of dog friendly offices. if that's a "benefit", I can't work there.

mostly, yeah! it was a very dysfunctional childhood, but we're all mostly functional adults.

my HS graduation was on a Saturday, and my mom's attempt was the following Monday. so I guess this has that beat for awful.

chronic depression really distorts your view of things. my mom honestly didn't think it would taint my graduation or change my plans. sort of, like she was already gone from my life, so she was just trying to wrap things up?

unsurprisingly, even though she wasn't successful, she still managed to screw me and my younger siblings up for a fair bit. it's been 20+ years, and only one of us still is in contact with her.