Verto

Thank you! It means a lot.

That being said, I had one free session with a competent specialist once. Unfortunately, I cannot afford their help, but this one session was already very transformative, as it was the first time I was accepted, face to face, by someone who is not attracted to minors themselves. Got me through a lot of emotions then.

I hope we'll have more of it, and I strongly believe a more understanding culture would be beneficial for everyone - including children who'll be more safe.

I had special interest in younger children since I was about 9 - but back then I wouldn't call it attraction, I just felt very comfortable being around kids aged 3-7 (I developed normally and was perfectly alright around peers, there was just something warm about being with younger ones)

But if we talk straight up attraction, it sparked when I was about 13, was initially to the boys on the countryside and was predominantly sexual (and remained predominantly sexual for boys ever since). But then girls qickly caught my eye too, and I felt all sort of attraction to them - sexual, romantic, platonic...you name it. It was not porn that started this, although in my early years of pedophilia I did find some of the CSAM (not illegal in my country even for adults to watch, although since about 15-16 I do not do it out of moral side of things)

The two issues are poorly linked, and experience of other pedophiles and generally minor-attracted people is very often strongly negative.

Unfortunately, a lot of therapists, even LGBTQ+ friendly ones (no strangers to non-traditional attractions, huh?) are completely unequipped to deal with the issue and can make it much worse.

The post is genuine, this is not a joke.

Yes, I regularly participate in studies related to attractions one may have for minors, and I participate in communitites that, among other things, share research opportunities. I call every pedophile or generally minor-attracted person to do the same - you can start with something like removed or MAP Support Chat, both of which list those, and then find a place for you (I won't list other, smaller communities I love in fear of brigading; I know those two manage the issue well)

I was out to my long-term partners, and the effect was, as you would expect, always negative, although always on a softer side, like partners getting more irritable and bitter with anything regarding children when I'm around. Sure enough, parenting question was off the table.

I had different approaches to "the talk", from straight up saying "I'm a pedophile" and managing reactions to going carefully and mentioning I like children in a special way, but never had the active intent to do something due to it. The latter works better, but doesn't solve everything.

I'm exclusive for boys (pedo range) and non-exclusive for girls (pedo to teleio range, although less hebe, those moody brats are freaking me out :D).

Pedophilia in itself doesn't have much impact on me besides being a great help when someone needs me to take kids out of adult table for evening talks (I much prefer children company anyways). The societal attitudes, however, added a lot of mental strain indeed. I'm still very much unsure if I'll ever be able to pull off such thing as a family due to how my partner might react (and I feel very uncomfortable and threatened keeping it inside from a person who would rightfully be extremely angry should they find out the father of their kids is a pedophile), and family is the most valuable thing and the highest priority I have in life. I also hate that I have to be generally reserved and not participate in a lot of things (like, idk, assisting in a child summer camps or educational groups for children or whatnot), because this can also be seen very negatively by my future partner (as seen by past partners being uncomfortable with the idea).

Aside from that, I hate keeping it behind closed doors and it hurts a lot when people say something like "all those pedophiles deserve to die" or comparing pedophiles to child molesters without me being able to say much against it or at least direct them to the goddamn Wikipedia. And it happens A LOT.

Luckily, I have never been outed, and can't speak for that experience.

I'm currently not seeing a therapist even though I'd like to - it's nearly impossible to find a competent specialist in my area, and it's getting harder as time goes on.

Therapy available online is completely unaffordable, with some specialist charging upwards to $200 for a session. That's, like, half my monthly income (I live in not-so-rich country).

Take your time! The issue is sensitive, it's alright to be a little baffled.