ProbabalyAmber

How does one get a therapist? That's not something I usually think about.

Thanks for the girl talk. That helps a ton. I especially like the idea of wearing what I normally wear, but girl. I'll look into some pants, blouses, and sweaters cut for ladies, and see about a bra and maybe some falsies. After that I'll have to bite the bullet and get some makeup and look in the mirror. I've always known what I am, so I've leaned pretty hard into the GNC, so I've already been painting my nails for a while, and it does give such gender euphoria.

I've been using a little laser I bought on Amazon for the last couple of weeks, I think it's working. Afraid to point it at my face, so I might get that done professionally. Got myself prescriptions for hair loss, we'll see what happens there.

I got a sugar scrub, is that a good skincare routine? I honestly know nothing about that.

I have one friend who calls me Amber, I'm still kinda closeted to everyone else. I was planning on coming out to my family at the super bowl party at my sister's house, but we got sick.

HRT is... So I'm married, my wife and I have kids. I'm tied down. I've been open and honest about all this with the wife (eventually) and she's let me know where she is. The current compromise is that I can go full femboy, she has no moral issue with that. She draws the line at HRT. We are Christians, but I'm definitely more liberal and egalitarian than she is, I kinda have to be to exist at all as a trans Christian. I see nothing wrong with being in a homosexual relationships, she does. She's bi, and maybe agender, but feels she has to suppress it. We're working through it. Every time I mention this online, people are like "break up with her!" and the answer to that is no. We truly love each other and are going to make this work. I knew when I got married in a conservative church that I would probably never get to transition, I made that choice and I'm going to stick with her. Going "full femboy," as she put it, is further than I ever thought I'd get to go, and I'm going to take full advantage of that. I'm hoping that when she sees how happy every step of this journey is making me, she'll eventually call me by my real name and be ok with HRT. We'll see, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

My egg came pre-cracked. I've always had a mind-body disconnect, preferred Polly Pocket to Hot Wheels, and had an eye for women's fashion. When puberty hit, I knew it was the wrong one and hated every second of it. But this was before I knew the word transgender, before it was recognized as a treatable medical condition. And I allowed myself to be told by my church that this was a bad thing and in no way should I ever come out, and I should live the American Dream instead.

The thing that caused me to actually make a move, though, was crippling dysphoria. The crushing weight of it, built up over decades and with no release valve, made me come out to my wife, who was way more supportive than I expected, and slowly I'm getting to express femininity. Coming out this weekend to my family, the future never looked so bright.

It's a Superb Owl Party. This Sunday at 6:30 PM Eastern time. Eating wings and cheering for the red team.

My wife and I are going to make it, I wasn't expecting to get to transition ever, so her being ok with me going all the way to femboy is a great start and huge strides in a new direction. We are talking through this like adults, we love each other, and we are determined to make this work.

Thanks for the affirmation, most people seem to think that LGBT and Christianity should be at war with each other, so being both is a whole different challenge.

Legally, haven't started. Not super important to me, it's pretty far down the dysphoria tier list.

Physically, (I know you didn't ask but I care) I realized that body hair and balding were the main triggers for my dysphoria, so after talking to my wife about it, I got a prescription for finastride and a laser hair removal thingy. Using those the last week or so has been super gender affirming (and itchy).

Emotionally, this has been really hard on my wife. She doesn't perform gender, and the only connection she feels to her gender is her sex, so she feels that her womanhood is threatened by me fully coming out. If I am a woman because I feel like a woman, then what does that make her, when she doesn't have a specific attachment to her gender? The newest compromise is that I can be as fem as I want, but I'm still her husband, not her wife. I'm trying to tell her that if she wants to be a woman, even in a "don't let go of what I have" way, that's totally valid, but if she just drops the gender completely and goes they/them or xe/xer, that's also totally valid. We are going to make this work somehow.

Socially, my sister is throwing a little superb owl party this weekend, so most of my family (and no one else) will be at this party, so it's time to rip the 30 year old bandaid off and come out. Since I'm still in negotiations with the wife, it'll be phrased "struggling with gender dysphoria and being more fem helps so much" instead of a full "My name is Amber, please refer to me with she/her pronouns." I'm expecting a lot of acceptance and questions.

Spiritually (I know you didn't ask but I care) I found a verse that is very specifically trans affirming. No idea how I missed it every time I read Isaiah. ‭‭"For thus says the Lord: “To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, And choose what pleases Me, And hold fast My covenant, Even to them I will give in My house And within My walls a place and a name Better than that of sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name That shall not be cut off." Isaiah‬ ‭56:4‭-‬5‬ ‭NKJV‬‬. I've been trying to find a way to reconcile my faith with my gender identity forever, so reframing eunuchs as trans people and then doing a study has brought me much peace. My wife is still struggling to reconcile being bi with her faith. She didn't have to worry about it as she could just marry a guy and ignore the bi, but she did the most bi thing possible and married a closeted transfem, so now she has to confront it. It's a process, we'll see where we end up.

Sorry this is long winded, but your question gave me the framework needed to actually put everything down into words, so thank you for that.

How did it go?

7

I'll take the purple challenge, I'm already good on the others.

I wouldn't feel guilty about not caring about a high-profile death. People you've never heard of die every minute, and we aren't equipped with enough empathy to care about them all.

I'm... hanging in there. The overlap between the Christian and Trans communities is nearly non-existent, and both are blaming the other for all the world's problems, so being both is really fucking hard right now. My pastor just recently went out of his way to make sure we understood that LGBT=bad and I feel like I should complain but don't know how to do so without outing myself. I wish I could transition without losing everyone I know and love, and have found myself passively pushing away from old relationships. I've been looking into other churches but finding a place that is actually accepting and actually teaches the Bible feels just as impossible as transitioning right now.

Closeted transbian, so: very gay, but currently in a straight-passing relationship. My girlfriend is bi, so maybe one day we can be gay instead of pretending to be straight.