GrouchyGrouse

Fuck you, God, you're not my real dad.

Revolution is not when you exchange one group of landlords for a different set. It is a total upending of systems. That is the true meaning. Soc dems and reformists think we can just change the window dressing and call it systemic. "If the new lord is better than the old lord we can return to the happiness of feudalism." What a terrible thing to believe.

We must reclaim this term. These terms belong to the people not a bunch of centuries dead slaveholding jackasses in powdered wigs who didn't change a goddamn thing.

Just something I've been thinking about lately.

This is for @[email protected]

This duet, ow my heart. If you know, you know.

Maybe you could tell. Maybe you couldn't. But I've been drunk since the 29th. I need to do better and I'm sorry. This is the only place I trust to confess. I need to get better. I need to be better. People rely on me and I'm letting them down.

I'm letting everyone down. Myself included. I hope I didn't say anything fucked up. Gosh I am so frustrated with myself. I want to be better but then the bottle calls my name. It says "hey tomorrow is tomorrow so let's get drunk today."

Lies lies all the pretty lies.

Because they hate curds.

Ba dum tssh

I like to keep it positive when it comes to other people. But I can be very hard on myself. I don't know why I do it. I guess I'm depressed. Normally I use humor as a coping mechanism but that's not really working right now.

I haven't really been posting here much lately. I just couldn't get the energy to log on or even have an idea worth sharing. But I do really like this place and I want to share some positive energy because I'm tired of feeling destructive. So, hey, you reading this, I like you. You are valuable. You are worth something to yourself and others. I guess this is kind of an "imposition" because I'm asking you to be happy when I'm not. But it will make me happy to know you are okay. I care about you all. I'm just feeling down and the only thing I ever had that picked me up was other people. I can't do it on my own, despite my stubborness insisting I can. I guess that's why I was always inclined towards socialism; I knew I couldn't go it alone and caring for other people was the only way I could legitimately care about myself. "Rational self interest" and all that jazz.

So, hey, if you're going through something, or you know somebody going through something, you can reply in this thread or DM me. I'm not a licensed therapist or anything like that but maybe it would help if you just typed out a few words, as I am doing right now. Helps keep the thoughts in order.

The internet is the worst place ever created but it's places like Hexbear that somewhat redeem this whole sorry enterprise. I have seen so much care and kindness here. Y'all give me hope. I'm kinda ranting but I just wanted you to know that after 3 years this was the only place I could go to where I could tell my dumb jokes and indulge in serious conversation about theory and politics without bad faith. It's nice! And it's refreshing. Keep doing what you're doing.

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