Terroristic threats! Bake him away, toys!
GeeDubHayduke
joined 1 week ago
As a nearly decades long veteran of Ark, I'm beyond familiar with characters that look like an amalgamation of Jabba the Hutt and a russet potato.
Ray Man! Aw!
Fighter of the White Man! Aw!
Champion of your bum!
I've seen it said that people create three types of characters in online character creation: first is just themselves. We've all done it. Second is a celebrity or character from an IP. Think of all the Shreks, Peter Griffins and Samuel Jackson's that were being shared when baldurs gate 3 came out. Third is an unholy monstrosity that's just every slider at the extremes.
Jingle chain 🎶
Jingle chain🎵
Jingle chain of command! 🎶
I think it was Jack on Roster Teeth that said it best...
Everyone made their online character for GTAOnline as basically themselves, except Jack, he made a female character. They all start ripping on him and he hits them with "if I'm gonna be staring at an ass for the next 500 hours, i want it to be a girl's ass." I think Gavin even asked if it was too late to switch.
ETA: girls run faster in GTA, so it's the better choice by any metric.
I ask "why" every time I'm reminded Imagine Dragons exist, too.
Applicable Carlin quotes:
"If you're pre-born, you're fine. If you're preschool, your fucked."
"Conservatives like live babies because they grow up to be dead soldiers."
And finally "You ever notice how these 'pro-life' dicks are people you'd never wanna fuck in the first place?!"
"The unborn are a convenient group of people to advocate for. They never make demands of you; they are morally uncomplicated, unlike the incarcerated, addicted, or the chronically poor; they don’t resent your condescension or complain that you are not politically correct; unlike widows, they don’t ask you to question patriarchy; unlike orphans, they don’t need money, education, or childcare; unlike aliens, they don’t bring all that racial, cultural, and religious baggage that you dislike; they allow you to feel good about yourself without any work at creating or maintaining relationships; and when they are born, you can forget about them, because they cease to be unborn. You can love the unborn and advocate for them without substantially challenging your own wealth, power, or privilege, without re-imagining social structures, apologizing, or making reparations to anyone. They are, in short, the perfect people to love if you want to claim you love Jesus, but actually dislike people who breathe. Prisoners? Immigrants? The sick? The poor? Widows? Orphans? All the groups that are specifically mentioned in the Bible? They all get thrown under the bus for the unborn.”
- Pastor David Barnhart
"We're so pro-life we'll fucking KILL YOU to prove it!"
Ark is a masterclass on how to make a video game that's actively hostile towards its user base.