No Stupid Questions

I was lucky in this regard, to have someone who has the drive to create and do things as my roommate. And also another roommate, who was the exact opposite - your standard "go to work, and then watch netflix all the time". First of all, seeing the contrast between those two was eye opening.

And second, the drive is infectious. I usually don't manage to find the motivation to do things on my own, and tend to procrastrinate. But having someone who has the drive, and just joining his projects, will get you the motivation. The best advice for life I can give to anyone is to surround themselves with people who have hobbies you want to have, to join communities and offer help as a volunteer with running it (this is important - don't just join as a lurker, but as a volunteer). Sure, you may not be good at it - but you're no longer doing it for yourself, which will usually end with me giving it up - but the community depends on you. And that's something that helped me tremendously with learning new things, or just getting out and doing something.

Thanks to that, we have a indie studio that is working on a game in our free time. I'm also helping with organizing and DJing at events for our smaller music subculture, because I just offered my help to volunteer and help with it, which has also prompted me to start learning how to do stage lighting, so I can make the parties better - which was a hobby I wanted to do, but never found the motivation. I was volunteering at gamedev conferences, where I've met amazing people that eventually landed me a job, while also not having to pay the ticket for the conference. I have joined a group that organizes LARPs, and even though I had basically nothing to offer aside from a pair of hands and my time, just being in the group chat was inspiring - and it's only a matter of time before someone asks "Hey, we need someone to do projection mapping, can anyone do that?", and you'll be like "Never done that, but I can try". And now you're not just doing it for yourself, so you will get better motivation to do that.

So, if you don't have the drive or motivation to do stuff on your own - find someone to do it with, who has the drive, and help him. It is infectious. Everything I now do in my free time, be it stage ligthning, DJing or projection, I had no experience with when I offered my help to the group of organizers that were doing it. Sure, at first the only thing I did was carry stuff from place A to place B, but just being around those people, in their groupchat and part of the planning they do for events, eventually led to the "I've never done that, but I can try learning it". And if it doesn't work? Well, in cases like that I was the only one willing to try, so the alternative would be to not have the thing in the first place, and if I said "Hey, I tried, it's not gonna work", then nothing was lost.

Also - watch this video. While it's not exactly about finding motivation, it shows that it's ok to not be the guy coming up with ideas, but the world needs more people who are willing to help the people with drive and motivation and embrace their thing.

Without getting super philosophical, what do you believe the goal of life is?

It's very easy to look at people that are allegedly achieving more than us and believe that there is something wrong with us or that we can do more, etc. This type of comparisons invite introspection and can be helpful sometimes to motivate oneself, but most of the times they are a road to depression.

Here is how I look at it: if I died tomorrow would I be okay with who I am? Of course I want to do more, grow, make an impact, etc, but ultimately IMHO life is about whatever you want it to be. There is no ultimate goal, there is no recipe, we ultimately all die.

Enjoy life right now. Don't worry too much about what other people are doing and create your own meaning.

Comparison is the thief of joy

Its time for me to read desiderata again.

“Comparison is the theft of joy.”

Just focus on being a better version of yourself than the day before, small gains lead to major momentum over time. Don’t be too hard on yourself, just keep moving in a positive direction consistently. Little bits add up quite a lot with time.

i am going to tell you some universal truths.

1. first truth: you will not fully understand these truths. though i list them here clearly, you will still learn them the hard way.

2. do not compare yourself to others. regardless of how you measure their success, you will find only a brief moment of satisfaction upon outdoing them, followed swiftly by regret, insecurity, and, not long after that, emotional crisis.

3. financial and professional success are antithetical to happiness and fulfillment at least as often as they aren't.

4. you can only ever know yourself. everyone's life is a series of choices. only you can know what choices are the right ones for you. you cannot know anyone else's choices. you cannot know if anyone else is making the right or wrong choices. you cannot know what motivates others. your dataset for anyone else is so incomplete as to prevent the drawing of any good conclusions. no good reason to compare yourself to anyone. but when you do, there's no good reason to feel bad about it, or good about it, and certainly no good reason to feel bad instead of good.

5. what follows is a cliche, but it is not a cliche: your life begins now, and now, and now. you can only do something now. not back then and not in a bit. now. really understand this. if you're not happy now, it's because you keep doing things that make you unhappy. now, if you're not happy now, it's because you're still not doing anything to make yourself happy. what are you doing to make yourself unhappy?

6. you're making yourself unhappy. it's not them making you unhappy. they might be doing things you're not happy with, but you're the one doing unhappiness. now, if you want to bank all your happiness and fulfillment on outdoing these people, that's fine, but it's going to be awhile. years, decades, you're entire life, perhaps. but, don't forget number 2: happiness can't be found on this route. i wonder what it would look like, what choices you'd have to make, to be happy, and much sooner?

let me know how it goes. also, apologies for the length. it's all stream of consciousness and i'm to lazy to edit.

homework: read The Tao of Pooh

❤️

Only 99%?

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I like to focus on the little things rather than the big achievements. The big things are fun for strangers and the gram, but my family and friends care more about my homemade lasagna, the cool things I knit and the hugs and advice I give them when they're going through it. I press myself to achieve, but I doubt I'll ever get my own wiki page or anything.

I get that all the time.

Graduated with a History degree ten years ago, spent 18 months afterwards unemployed because my degree closed many more doors than it opened, spent another 3 years working in dead-end customer service roles then worked my way up into a finance career. Last week I got my 'big break' where I managed to avoid redundancy and secure a financial reporting role that's relevant to my ACCA studies. This is one of those rare times where the stars aligned.

My love life (or lack thereof) is my biggest grievance with life. People my age are married/cohabiting and have children of their own, meanwhile I am turning 32 in the next two months and still haven't even lost my virginity because from my experience, women have often been very frigid and judgmental.

Most people feel like this, in my experience. People usually don't feel totally satisfied with their accomplishments, but will assume everyone else is very satisfied with theirs. In reality, most people feel neutral about their situation 99% of the time, no matter how good it is. Past a certain point, when you've accommodated all your lower-level needs like food and safety, the only way to get legitimately happier is to count your blessings and be thankful for what you have, instead of chasing something you perceive as "better". Those things almost never actually make you happier, especially if they're materialistic.

Most people also show to others a fake version of themselves that has basically no problems in life. It's important to remember that what you see isn't usually what you get with most people. There are some who present themselves as being extremely happy but are severely depressed. It's important not to compare your genuine self to people's front-facing personas.

For me? That seems low to be honest.

You're a good candidate for taoist philosophy. While I'm not sure what having absolutely no long term goals really feels like, I've had them my whole life, I can tell you that people have their own paths, and its in this diversity of paths that one of our strengths as a species lies. This is why authoritarians suck on the modern battlefield--too much conformity, leaves them inflexible. We allow diversity of thought and encourage initiative and independent action, in our militaries.

I don't think you should look to other people's accomplishments if accomplishing those things was never your goal in the first place, though. Was your goal, perhaps, learning? If so, those folks usually wind up with an eventual responsibility of handing their knowledge down to future generations, once it is accumulated sufficiently. I don't see how that contribution is worth any less than a start-up though.

To answer the topic question, no I don’t, and its not a good thing. I’ve pushed it too hard for too many years and now my mind and body are suffering from that toll. And it wasn’t worth it.

My advice is take up a few hobbies, and enjoy life. Don’t bother chasing others or “Keeping up with the Jones.” Enjoy existing, because it is short.

1. don't compare your life to other peoples. Everyone has their own path to follow. Some people are simply more motivated than others, and that's okay. As soon as I accepted I wasn't a money hungry ladder climber and just wanted peaceful stress free life carved on my own terms my goals were much more clear.

2. figure out what you really want. A person is like a ship at sea, it must have a destination, something to work towards, otherwise it floats adrift aimlessly. Picture what you want in your mind and want it so bad that you have to have it. If you don't know what it is, think harder and dream in your minds eye until a picture arises.