this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2023
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330
The DOJ Is Cracking Down on the Dumbest Form of Climate Denialism (www.esquire.com)
submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[–] [email protected] 127 points 10 months ago (7 children)

Being found guilty of knowingly modifying a vehicle, or knowingly operating a modified vehicle, and performing the act of "rolling coal" should result in loss of driving license in all states for no less than 10 years.

Not that my proposed "Rolling Coal Proves You Have a Tiny Innie Penis and By the Way, Your Truck Nuts Means Your Truck is Actually Trans Act" would be passed any time soon. Or ever, certainly not at the rate the House is fucking up.

But DOJ going after the supply of parts for modifying diesel engines is something, at least!

[–] [email protected] 34 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Loss of driving license and vehicle will be seized and scrapped. Maybe the metal can be used for an electric car.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 10 months ago (5 children)

Better. The offending vehicle should be seized and donated to Pacific Northwest commune flannel hippies who will run it on vegetable oil and never, ever wash it.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

I like it!

Adding it to my proposal.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago

The Stop Motorists Ostentatious Loosening of Particulate Pollutants, or SMOLPP, Act

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Mostly agree except for the small penis bashing. We need to end small-dick hatred.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Fair. While I'd defend the name as being targeted at only the offenders' insecurities, which also includes the truck-nuts-trans quip, I understand how it could cause a larger negative cultural impact to a group or groups that is/are already unduly disparaged.

Additional group studies will be performed and suggestions are welcome.

Perhaps the "Coal Rollers Are Pissants, Fundamentally Undeserving Cars/trucKs Act"

It has a certain je ne sais quois, I think, but needs more work.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Rolling coal is just dumb. You can make more power and pollute less than factory with the parts available today. Rolling coal is just wasting fuel and showing everyone you're a douchebag.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

You don't understand. If they shit themselves and stand next to you you have to smell it. They will happily shit themselves just so you can smell it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

As long as there's an "and" in there, I agree.

Vehicle modifications are, imo, a form of self-expression and should be protected by free speech as long as they don't compromise the safety of the vehicle or cause it to spew more greenhouses gases than necessary; however, modifying your car in a way that intentionally makes it unsafe or increases pollution is fucking awful.

To put it another way, modifying your engine timings and shoving a turbo in there should be legal even though it will probably increase emissions because the intent is to increase power. Modifying your car to increase emissions just because you can is an asshole move.

I know this opens a loophole regarding intent as people could potentially argue that "rolling coal" somehow increases horsepower (or create a mod that increases horsepower while also dumping shittons of unburnt diesel into the air). However, you could also argue that you don't need to "roll coal" to increase your truck's power, and that the modification needlessly increased emissions.

Tbh I kinda think ICE vehicles are going to become the "vinyl records" of Gen Z, alpha, and whatever comes after. Electric cars will be the norm and will be used to get people from A to B, but ICE and hybrids will be something enthusiasts have; and tbh, I'd be willing to bet that in a world where ICE and hybrids are mainly in the hands of hobbists and enthusiasts, the emissions released would be negligible.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

To put it another way, modifying your engine timings and shoving a turbo in there should be legal even though it will probably increase emissions because the intent is to increase power. Modifying your car to increase emissions just because you can is an asshole move.

While people in the car community hate CA's CARB certs, they exist for a reason. If you can prove that your performance parts don't increase the emissions, CARB has no issue giving the mfg. a certificate that says it's legal to sell and use in California.

It's not hard to make big power in a gas or diesel vehicle and not substantially increase emissions. Hell, Gale Banks has been doing diesel performance for decades and he loathes rolling coal.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

I'm not entirely sure how to take my more-than-slightly-cheeky response being interpreted so seriously, but I'm happy it's fostering true thought and discussion on the subject.

My dryer-than-Mojave humor has its moments, at least.

My real take on this would be such that the case of modifications for rolling coal is a widely known "zero gain" modification that accomplishes nothing other than allowing for the forementioned act, and yes, absolutely the off-the-cuff verbage would be changed to 'modifying for the intent of enabling coal rolling...' or whatever works linguistically to narrow the scope just to this act.

I did genuinely try to word it in such a manner that someone accidentally doing it with a modified vehicle wouldn't be at risk of losing their license, but yep, naturally that allows an interpretation of any modification being at odds with the "law" and it's clear I don't actually write legislation for a living.

In the grand scheme of things, of course there are totally far, FAR more emissions from otherwise acceptable vehicles than the few that do this, but I'd like to think a majority of sound-minded people see the act as so mind-bendingly douchey, that it deserves to be a crime (and I truly do, for one).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Eh, people should be able to modify their cars for fun and education. It's a really piece of shit thing to do that has no performance benefit though...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Too harsh even for these idiots. You can't function without a car in America. It would leave to poverty through job loss which isn't the goal. We already have penalties this: you can't get a successful inspection with an illegally modified car. Then you can't get registered, can't get insurance, it's illegal to drive, etc. That's functionally the same thing but now they have to pay, potentially fines too, to get their car fixed or receive recurring tickets that would eventually lead to dissolution of driver's license. And if law enforcement sees an illegally modified car, they can issue tickets and require another inspection.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You can’t function without a car in America.

That's exactly why we should take peoples' licenses away more often: maybe then they'd give a shit about changing that!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The point is that if you do that, you're screwing them over in a way that has a much greater impact that initially observed. If your point is to lead directly to destitution as a punishment for rolling coal, then just say that. Push for incredibly high fines instead, that's not veiled.

If you don't want them to drive that car then you could impound the car. Which is itself a fine in the tens of thousands. Unreasonable for most people.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

No, the lack of walkable zoning and infrastructure for other transportation methods is screwing them over. The court has nothing to do with it.

And again, I'm an enthusiastic supporter of taking people's license away for lots of things, not just rolling coal. In fact, I think the driver's test ought to be difficult enough that a decent fraction of people shouldn't even be capable of passing it to begin with.

[–] [email protected] 71 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Good. Such an idiotic trend.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Man riding a motorcycle in my state with these fuckin idiots was awful. Even with the helmet I got a waff of this garbage and not to mention it sticking to my clothes on some occasions. It's not even denialism it's just wilful harm. Luckily the number of these idiots seems to have gone down over the last few years.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago

Same here. Gotta love riding into a cloud and not knowing what the fuck is on the other side of it. And you're correct that it's just willful harm. They do it on purpose to hurt people.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Try a prius with a busted a/c. Nothing on this fucking planet makes those inbreds want to billow a huge carfart more than seeing a prius with its windows down. It's to the point where if I'm at a light next to a truck that sounds diesel, I roll up the windows before it turns green.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Floor it when it turns green, you'll leave them sitting and then laugh at them when they go flying past you 30mph over the speed limit

[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago (1 children)

So wait a second…. Not only is it that these idiots are buying trucks that are bad for the environment- they’re PURPOSEFULLY modifying them to be even worse?

I haven’t believed in god my entire life, but I think I’m going to start- so I can pray that another COVID comes around to take the pieces of shit out.

Enough is enough. They’ll don’t belong here anymore.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Not only that, their vehicles may not work as efficiently and burn more gas when running.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago

and then they complain about gas prices

[–] [email protected] 28 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

I'd never even heard of this before. Fuuuuck these people.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Come on out to my little corner of red hat hell and you'll hear/see/smell it on the reg.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Try a different distro

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Tee hee!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

At least they let you know who they are though, flying flags in the back of a truck that cost significantly more than their housing, or if they're not in the truck they wear their dunce caps with pride.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

Teenager murdered a cyclist when attempting this but instead drove over them. Was in Texas, great surprise.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Good, because the EPA doesn't do a damn thing when you send them video, even with license plates.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

No but they'll go after whoever sold the shit to them

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure that if I go out and remove the catalytic converter from my vehicle, and then drive it, thst it's a $2,500 fine. (Im in the US.)

Perhaps a similar fine is in order for people who have made their diesel engine intentionally run dirty.

Now I will blame part of this issue on the difficulties associated with keeping diesel engine emissions equipment alive. I feel these systems could be made more durable.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Funnily enough, removing your cat. converter is illegal, but getting caught without one isn't. Unless the Fed watches you remove it, they won't fine you.

Totally agree, though. Fuck coal rollers.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

This is because it's usually a Crack head that took the liberty of removing it for you

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

Coal rollers

Traitors

It's the same picture

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

Didn't even have to read the article to know it would be about rolling coal

Hope the idiots get fined to hell and back

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

These people are willfully trying to make humans go extinct and make our lives worse. I'm ok with the death penalty.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Tires are expensive. Sidewall damage can't be repaired

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Something I keep noticing about the brodozers I see is the tires are almost always bald. And I wonder if they're having trouble with maintainence. Diesel engines are expensive when they break.