General Discussion

I get blowing people up in your head to be fantatic, but you have to remember:

She is just a person, like you.

She has loads of flaws and unflattering characteristics, like you.

She would probably react negatively if she knew about somebody idolizing her like this because it sounds like obsession, and the grim truth is that obsessions tend to ignore a person's agency and is disrespectful to them as a human being rather than an object of desire.

She is flawed bud. If you get along cool, but nobody is as perfect as the brain likes to trick you into thinking.

It's one thing to say "I'm really attracted to her, but I'm too much of an introvert to initiate a conversation"

But this is sounding like stalker-type fixation level shit

That's as kind as I can put it

My advice is to bid her farewell and mourn a little. If it's any consolation, the person you have a crush on only existed in your head, assembled by frenzied brain chemicals out of the few things you were able to learn about her. The real version has her own flaws, quirks, strengths, eccentricities, and loves. She is far more human than the person your brain shuffled onto a pedestal and she's living her own life. The crush was fun, but let it go now. It's the kindest thing to do for yourself.

As an introvert on the spectrum, talking to strangers is hard. It's uncomfortable. On bad days, I feel like I'm trying to crawl out of my own skin when I end up talking to someone I don't know (and on really bad days, even with people I do know.) But sometimes we have to do uncomfortable things to grow, and the more you do the thing the easier it becomes. Start small and realize it'll feel weird. Work your way up. Talk to girls and make some friends, not because you eventually want to be involved with them but because you want another friend. A wonderful thing happens as you make friends: you start seeing other people's perspectives. You start feeling more comfortable. And you open yourself up to more experiences. Some of these experiences are even fun!

Having said all that about crushes.... I met my wife, many years ago, at a Halloween party. I was instantly smitten and yeah, I had a crush on her. A big one. I went to a drag show with some friends a few weeks later and she was there! We snuck out for a cigarette and talked, awkwardly, for a few minutes.

The next time I talked to her, it was at a show she was playing at a dive bar. She played an instrument?! I had no idea. I was a terminal case at that point. I remember standing in the audience, going over what I should say to her when the set ended. As it turned out, she announced that this would be their final show and she was moving out of state with her boyfriend a week later. I was devastated.

It took a little while, but I let go and moved on. We both had very interesting lives for the next few years and met up again at another party. We ended up talking a lot, texting, going to shows. We started a band with a mutual friend, learned some obscure asian card game together, and eventually said "what the hell, we should probably be dating."

She didn't end up being anything like the girl I had a crush on, and we've been happily together for almost a decade. I don't think any of that would have been possible if I'd brooded over her and never gotten over the crush.

You ever wonder why people do small talk? It's for situations like this.

Learn to do small talk. Practice in... I dunno, the grocery store checkout, your elderly neighbor, someone in the diner. Just 5-10 second conversations. "hi there / warm out, isn't it? / yeah, how about them (sports team)? / yeah, all right!" Bland stuff. If you don't know what to say, watch other people and write things down.

You may think this is hard as an introvert, but in fact it's easy bc you don't have to think about what to say. It's easy to develop simple "scripts" that you play out. Like there's this person at the gym, and every time I go we're like "hey what's up? / not much what's up with you? / just another day in paradise! / all right!" Every freakin time.

It may sound crazy to do these things, but it lets people know you're not stuck-up or dangerous. Anyway, after you're better at small talk, it's easier to get to know someone you really want to know more about. Like, after you establish an acquaintanceship you can be like "oh, that (object they're holding) reminds me of (relative of yours), they got one in (mildly interesting location)." Just practice this kind of thing in general, and you'll be better prepared when you meet someone you're really interested in.

I used to be terrible at this, luckily my BFF was amazing at it and I learned by observation.