Calgary

691 readers

5 users here now

A Lemmy community for the City of Calgary!

A community for Calgarians to chat, share news, share information, talk politics, post photos, ask questions, etc.

Onward

Calgary is a vibrant and cosmopolitan city in the western Canadian province of Alberta, famous for its skyscrapers, rodeos and proximity to the Rocky Mountains.

Current Mayor Jyoti Gondek

Current timezone: MDT

Calgary.ca

Provincial Localities

Provincial Communities:

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

Just a random Calgarian struggling I guess (lemmy.ca)

submitted 4 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

NSFW 3 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Every time my parents tell me we're going to talk it always devolves around them not wanting to listen to what I need to say. Whenever I give my ideas, opinions, or statements they always interrupt without letting me finish and when I dispute their statements they argue and say "why are you bringing that up, that's a different thing!".

This recurring exhaustive problem is that my need to dispute their points arises from the fact that their points often doesn't make sense for the current discussion especially since they're missing a lot of background context.

Eventually all conversations end with my parents yelling at me, I'm forced to stay until they finish yelling at me and then giving me more work to do for their own reasons. I've tried asking them to stop yelling as I'm in front of them, I've also tried asking if we could take a break as the discussion has gotten too heated again.

At the end of every 'discussion' I just feel like killing myself. Back in 2017 I almost killed myself as my family didn't want to listen, I just feel the same as I did back then.

The reason why I didn't kill myself is cause I had support from my friends. When I tell my parents that I want to move out into a dorm for my program at uni they say that they'll buy another car so that I only have a 15min commute (one way). I don't want to have to commute 30mins every day for 4 years. Living with them is stressful for everyone. Plus if I'm on campus I'll be able to focus on my studies and potentially a job as well because I'll be free from the constant obligations that my parents request from me without any gratitude or compensation. I wouldn't mind helping my parents if they just tried to understand and be more compassionate.

I think staying will only increase my depression and a desire to suicide. I just feel trapped, sick, and depressed especially if I think that I'll be forced to stay for the next 4 years.

My parents say that they want to support me but when I ask for emotional support I just get shit on as a reply saying "don't you know we've been supporting you for the past several years!?". I've said that "I know you and mom have been financially supporting me and I appreciate that, and " again I'm cut off and they then say "why don't you do what we tell you to do!". If I didn't have my friends to worry about hearing the news of my death I don't think I'd waste another second in ending it.

I don't know how much longer I have in me. I have no job at the moment, I’ll be taking on more student loans. My parents support me financially but when it comes to anything else I’m constantly getting criticized even for doing chores around the house, filing their paperwork, not helping out. If I help them I’m criticized, if I don’t same thing, they threaten to kick me out, alright I’ve planned to move out, you can’t move out we’ll buy a car instead so the commute’s shorter, please don’t buy the car I’ll move out as it’ll be better for everyone, you can’t move out the loans are crazy expensive don’t you know how bad the interest rates are?

Sorry for this post, I just need to share this as proof I guess for what I have to deal with. Trying to keep it together to wake up the next day, I’m not sure how to describe or write how I feel.

top 3 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

@[email protected] @[email protected]

After taking a couple days to rethink about it I still think that leaving and cutting all ties is for the best. It still pains me that this is what I need to choose but I don't think there's anything else I can do.

Thank you for giving me your kind words and encouragement

[–] Contextual_Idiot 5 points 4 days ago

I'm assuming since your going to university that you're now 18. That makes you an adult, with all the legal freedoms. You are legally capable of making your own decisions that, crucially, your parents can't stop.

Honestly, you know the answer to this. The problem is you are afraid of what the consequences will be. Moving out will damage your relationship with your parents, but honestly? It's already damaged. Their dependence on you is too much for you to handle right now. Their need for control in your life is hurting you. You have tried talking to them about it, but either they don't understand or aren't willing to listen.

The financial aid that they are providing is another problem holding you back from moving out I would guess. Getting a job will help to offset that, and you said that you are getting student loans as well. Check with your university about any financial aid programs they have too. And while it's not glamorous, there are organizations like the food bank and thrift stores that can help you get by in lean times.

The last consequence of a decision to move out will be the uncertainty and instability you will face. You will likely be doing it without the support of your parents. But you aren't totally without support! You have your friends that can help you, from helping with the move, to giving advice, or simply just being a shoulder to lean on or an ear that will listen.

I won't sugar coat this. It's going to be hard. But! It is not impossible. Things look bleak and dark right now, but it won't always look like that. Once you take that first step of moving out, and getting out from under the shadow of your parents, things will start to change. You have the strength to make it through this, because you've had the strength to make it this far. Don't forget that.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

Oh friend my heart aches for you! You're in a difficult situation, and while your parents may be doing the best they can, it sounds like its not enough for what you personally need.

But there's a lot of positives here as well:

You've identified that this situation is intolerable by your own personal standards.
You know the answer (move out), and I think that you will need to be firm about ensuring you get to that point, if you feel that's the best solution.
You sound like you're handling this better than I did, by encouraging your parents to take breaks when conversations are heated and adjusting their volume. Even if they're not following your advice, it shows a great deal of maturity to stay calm in this situation.

Only you can say how your life will proceed, and in my experience that was impossible before I moved out. Moving out was hard on everyone, but 100% worth it in my opinion.

Regardless of how you move forward, this Ontarian is sending you hugs and wishes you the best while you figure out your next steps.