The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/bingbaddie1 on 2025-02-20 08:39:10.
My (23M) mom (55F) has been taking us on cruises for about 12 years. Recently, I’ve grown tired of them, and because of a traumatic event involving my sister, I’ve told my parents that I don’t want to go on cruises anymore.
I was fine going on cruises in the past, but I’ve recently grown tired of them. My parents know this; so tell my siblings and me that we’re going on vacation to Europe. My parents know that I’ve always wanted to go to Europe. My brother said he doesn’t want to, so they buck our trip to Europe that would’ve been 7 days and replace it with a 14-day cruise to Latin America. They pay for the entire thing without saying anything. So I’m double miffed, especially because saying no would feel ungrateful, but I feel I’ve communicated myself clearly.
Cue today—in addition to not wanting to take a vacation for 14 days, I’ve been unemployed for months and applying to jobs. I am not in a financial position to be going on two week vacations. I can’t even afford to buy the flight there—my credit cards are maxed out, and my unemployment checks don’t cover it—my savings do, and they’re running THIN. I’m behind on my student loans; I can’t afford to not work. I NEED a job the second it’s given to me.
I tell my mother this well in advance and that I’m interviewing for jobs, and if I get one, I have to take it, and I won’t be able to get two weeks off to go on the cruise. No matter how many times I tell her this, she tells me that in the interview, before they ask me “if I have any vacations coming up,” I just tell them about the cruise, and they’ll grant me the two weeks. When I tell her that they wouldn’t, she says “she knows how it works, they’ll always give me the two weeks.” She then says that if they don’t, she can just cancel it and it can be okay.
After two months of applications, I finally receive a job interview. ONE. And it happens while the cruise is going on. I will not be able to sustain the zoom connection on the boat, and, again, I just don’t want to go on the cruise. I’ve tried telling my mom over and over again about the interviews, because I thought she’d take the hint or just in the name of safety cancel the cruise. She did not.
The day of the cruise approached, my mom keeps asking me questions like when I’ll get a haircut / when I’m going to go on the flight, etc. and I brush the questions off because I feel genuinely stressed about telling her that I’m not going. In the past, when I told her I wasn’t going to vacations, she wouldn’t take me seriously until the day of, so I don’t know how to signal it to her.
Today, 5 days before the cruise, she asks me a question, and I blurt out that I can’t go, because I have an interview and I can’t afford to not miss it. I don’t know how long it’ll be before my next opportunity, and I seriously need everything I can take. My mother got extremely upset and said “are you crazy? I spent $2000 for you and it’s gonna go to waste.”
I’m sitting here feeling awful about myself. AITA?