Microblog Memes

A job I applied to a year ago made me do a general logic test. It's the only job that's ever made me do one. I think I spent like half the time on one question because I was so confused. I genuinely believe there was a typo. Anyways, it's the closest I've come to putting my foot down and asking for accomodations because holy shit.

So, I ace the part relevant to my job but failed that part bad. Get this: they say they want me to retake it before giving the results to the potential client. HUH? If the test is bullshit, why make me do it at all? AND GET THIS. I retake it. I've now wasted three hours of my 2023 holiday season on this. The client rejects me because I didn't have experience with some random technology. WTF??? I think I even asked before all this why don't they show my resume to the client before the test and they said because they like to give a full file. I was so angry. It's probably the most unprofessional email I've sent, but I literally sent one saying something like "Then why didn't you show them my resume before making me waste three hours???" Seriously. They didn't even talk to me. Which is fine, I'm not saying they should have to, but for the contracting company to make me waste so much time... And to make me retake it (proving the whole thing is BS). Wow.

Anyways, I'm employed now, thank goodness.

My boss's boss said everyone should be happy on Friday because it's bonus day. I'm my boss's only contracted employee. I think I don't get one. I'm very tempted to just send him an email like "was I supposed to see a bonus in my paycheck? Blah mentioned it." But I don't wanna seem passive aggressive.

I took a job as a medical assistant. I was not certified. It was during COVID, and the manager was woefully understaffed. I had zero experience or training. They still hired me, because in her words "we can teach you everything you need to know, and your resume demonstrated you were a good learner so that's all that matters." (I had taught myself Chinese and coding, and put that on the resume).

I worked my butt off, and after two years when I had to leave to go back to school they offered me a massive raise, more training to get me a promotion as an actual technician to start making 80k/year, and they even said when I finished grad school I could be taken on as a partner and own the business (it was a small clinic). They wanted to do anything to get me to stay.

All these companies these days care too much about certs. They don't know how to hire. They should look for resume's that demonstrate learning, initiative, responsibility, and commitment. Because at the end of the day: almost anyone can learn any job that isn't a PhD-level.

Like, having managers be required to have a college degree is moronic.

I don't understand why op thinks they are special for going through this workflow. Women are way less likely than men to ignore job requirements when applying for jobs and many many people have to be reminded that job requirements are fluffy. Are all these people "neurodivergent"? We seem to want to apply this term everywhere for some reason.

The problem is the job market has basically priced in exaggerations on resumes. People exaggerate all the time and don't get punished for it.

If you don't exaggerate, you may even miss out on opportunities and hamper your career goals whatever they may be, because they already assume you exaggerate and already account for it when reading your resume. And if you don't exaggerate? Well, they're happy to pay you less than they would've.

Certainly at least in tech in the Bay Area, fake it till you make it is the norm. I've met plenty of people with amazing resumes and references just to see them not be as good as advertised.

It's not lying as much as it's advertising. If they're asking about your greatest weakness, tell them. Just don't neglect to mention how you mitigate that weakness too, and are improving. Don't let your answer end on "I'm a disorganized mess", end it on "so in the last year, I've started building and using checklists and it's been really effective".

In the same way, be up front if they ask about the criteria you don't meet. But consider your entire answer, again, you can say something like "I actually haven't worked in that language before, but I've done lots of work in Python and Java, so I'm confident I can pick it up quickly as needed". If they don't ask, then it probably wasn't really that important of a criteria to them, so you shouldn't waste your interview time talking about it either.

Don't volunteer all your worst traits, you only have an hour, so focus on describing your strengths as often as you can. Nobody expects to completely understand you as a person in one hour, they're specifically asking you to come in and advertise yourself. Instead, read between the lines in the listing (I.E. Things mentioned in the job description or title are likely more important than something in a single bullet point. Look for repetition, or how much they talk about each requirement.). Figure out what the "customer" wants that you're good at, and ensure you emphasize it, repeatedly. Define clear takeaways and make sure they know what you're offering, and will actually remember it too.

And practice your answers to many questions. Come up with your best anecdotes for "a time you resolved a conflict with a coworker" and all that nonsense in advance, so that you can confidently segue into those stories that best emphasize your takeaways when asked. Do some research on the company to come up with a good answer to questions like "why do you want to work here?". The answer doesn't have to be your top priority, which is obviously "a paycheque", but just append an unsaid "instead of somewhere else" and answer honestly, because people are good at detecting insincerity. You likely haven't applied to every company on earth, so tell them why you chose them.

Lastly, like an advertiser, don't be afraid to segue from other questions into your prepared answers. "Yeah, I've always loved X, that's why I wanted to work here actually, I'd heard a bit about how you were getting involved with X, but with this interesting twist, and thought that sounded like something I'd really enjoy working on". The interview questions are designed to get you talking about yourself, it's not a survey where the strict questions are all that matter, and you can simply joke about it if the question comes up later.

As an autistic person I relate to this so hard it isn't funny.

I have a stable job that I like.

Sometimes I think I should go to interviews just to make recruiters feel insecure, "your business is not up to my expectations" "what do you mean you don't provide flexible remote working?" "Your paycheck is just too small for me, sorry".

I would get a laugh of of it and probably would help some fella by lowering this fuckers ego.

Those HR people who make the listing don't understand most of it anyway.

You don't lie, lying will get you into trouble. You just don't mention it if they don't ask. And if they don't ask it's probably not that important. Most job descriptions are like Christmas wishlists anyway, they will be happy if they get half of it.

Why yes, I do thrive under pressure. It's why I use a weighted blanket.

Before I graduated I was encouraged to apply for a job that required a four year degree.

Don't worry about it - we know you, they said.

When I submitted my application online it was automatically rejected because the application program correctly flagged that I didn't meet the requirement of having a four year degree.

I dont know why they do it and I dont care to find out. I just know I apply even if I dont match the complete criteria. If I tick off 60-70% of what they want, I'll apply. We are people, not machines. If something doesnt match but is close to it, we try and make it work. This is how the real world works. There are multiple factors at play and they can work in your favour.

I got my first job which required a college degree and some experience. I had personal (non-professional) experience and no degree. Showed an interest in the work they did, told them I work on my own things from time to time and got hired. What probably worked in my favor was a lack of other applicants showing the same degree of interest. I even told them I'd graduate in a year and we made it a requirement. Never got my degree and worked there for 7 years. No lying, some luck and showing an interest. Same strategy worked two more times (out of two), 1st interview and "wanna come work for us?". Its easier the second time since experience is built up already. And im not some extroverted silver tongued devil or anything. The right interviewer at the right time.

That whole routine doesn't magically make sense to neurotypical people either.

Yes, and then don’t provide “real” answers at the interview, make up stuff they want to hear, be friendly and create small talk with a complete stranger, act like you actually GAF about the company when all you want to do is just get a job and start working, screw all this people-interaction stuff.

a friend once got me a job interview with his company. he listened into the interview, and i could hear him audibly gasp when the interviewer asked, "why do you want to work for us?". I replied plainly, "To make a living so that I may pursue my real goals." I didn't get the job...