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humble, introverted self asks for your advice about human behavior at the workplace. Please read below: (linux.community)

submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

6 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/1195222

Im introverted and have always enjoyed my solitude. Some people have complained that I don't talk much, which is true, I don't need to talk to feel good.

After changing workplaces, I decided to be proactive and introduce myself to my new coworkers. I was friendly and did it properly: my name, smiley face and what I do, eager to help them.

Some of them are friendly, greet back when I greet, but jesus christ, others outright avoid even eye contact with me like the plague, even though I kept greeting them for at least 2 more days.

Now I've returned the favor and I ignore them, not even asking them to do anything for me because last time I did, one of them said she would take a batch of documents to a nearby department but then outright ignored it and I had to do it myself.

It's also a bit funny: 2 coworkers that the first day had small but normal conversations with me now look elsewhere when they see me... and I give them back the same treatment. Childish and petty? extremely, but I ask you: what should I do?

Introverted me says: what were you expecting? This is what people are, don't bother trying to be extroverted, see what this brought you, return to your introverted self, do your job and go home, but this might sabotage me.

I confess neither do I know how to react when people are friendly when I'm talking to a coworker they like but the moment this coworker leaves, they turn to a mute.

To me, those of you who can play this silly workplace theater so well are geniuses. I cannot fake that a boring person interests me, nor can I fake respect for a person who treats me like I described.

I'd like to read your feedback.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

IMO, you mistook small talk for conversation. There's a time for small talk and there's a time for conversation. It's kind of awkward when we as people get motivated enough to talk to other people, but can't read the signs when the small talk or the conversation have hit a stopping point.

Another opinion of mine I that you introduced yourself as more senior than them in your trade. Now it's up to them to want to continue the dialog. Just keep doing your thing your way, besides giving the new people a chance to choose to talk to you. If they do, then find ways to share your wisdom through conversation. If they choose to not talk to you, then trust your coworkers give them the wisdom.

Don't waste too much mental energy on it because ultimately, if your work is good, it doesn't matter your attitude towards new people as long as you're not going out of your way to alienate them

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

you are acting extroverted to other introverts – how would you normally react towards daily greetings from an extrovert?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

Don't try for a one-size-fits-all policy. Try to remember they're all individuals who will have their own opinions and interaction preferences, and calibrate accordingly to the individual reactions you get.

This office could also just have a different overarching culture to your previous one. You should probably be able to figure out the nuances in time if you pay some attention.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

You did a good thing and got out of your comfort zone and engaged in a friendly manner. However, it takes practice, and you may have given off a "used car salesman" vibe or some other vibe without meaning to. Also, some of your new coworkers could be very introverted or even snobs. You can't control other people, only yourself. Give it some more practice, but maybe dial it down a few notches. Trust has to be earned in both directions and this can take a long time in some work environments.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

I'm considered an extrovert by some people but I consider myself more of an introvert.

In years of office environments I have come to the conlusion that most people will just spin a bunch of dices and decide if they like you or not.

I like almost all of my coworkers, lots of them seems not to reciprocate. I have given up trying to understand the reason, it's their own and trying to solve the puzzle has only ever brought me more suffering.

I focus on the ones that likes me and keep it professional with everybody else. That's it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

You're mostly over reacting. You're on the first few days, months, or year at this work environment, you're not going to feel plugged in to it by yourself or coworkers right off the bat. You're also making the mistake a lot of people make in any interpersonal interaction, you had one good interaction, and you didn't get reciprocated treatment, so you assume it's not working. One interaction isn't enough, you need many, 10-12 interactions are more realistic. Your new, so the burden is on you to provide the majority of the interaction.

You aren't wrong AT ALL about not going out of your way to interact with people who seem distant, or standoffish with you. Not being forceful with interactions shows respect and intelligence. Go for natural interactions and remember, you're a dozen more interactions away from even seeing if this is working. At the same time focusing on people who are friendly and open to you is a wise choice, some people won't warm up to you until you have established connections in their workplace.

Also as an introvert that worked in sales for a long time, you're not understanding what introvert means, or maybe the way you're talking about it is awkward to me. Introverts make great sales people, I can talk to an introvert on day one and say ''when you're asking if they want the service package, you have to explain all service after purchase is 100% free, and includes a regular yearly maintenence service, and all can be in home service, they think it's an extended warranty if you don't explain it's a service package" and they will get all points across every pitch, and typically they will focus on word choice and reading customers. Extroverts? It's at least three conversations about this, and I have to coach their word choices.

Introvert just means you're exhausted by socially interacting with others, it doesn't mean you bad at it, or you fear it, it mostly means you're not having fun when your talking to someone, you're working. Lots of benefits in that, and lots of draw backs, but it's not a lack of capability in you, it's just a skill, and like every skill you need to practice before you get good at it. Also leaving yourself stretches of no social interactions during your work day so you don't get burned out is also a very good idea.

You're on the right path, just be consistent, and accept it takes time to get folded in at a workplace, and never take it personal. If you're there for more than a year and you feel like they haven't accepted you, then there's some serious problems at that particular workplace that are out of your control, and you might consider moving on, or location change, whatever your profession allows that's also in your favor.