this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2023

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Showerthoughts

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Think you're tough? Try being vulnerable. (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] Angry_Maple 28 points 1 year ago

You're not wrong, though.

It can be easy to put up a front around other people, and hide parts of yourself. Tempting, even. If people don't know that information about you, they can't judge you on it.

Let's say two strong dudes were side by side, one of them acts "tough", and the other doesn't care about people knowing about his fascination with antique figurines. I would always think that the second guy is tougher.

I don't know what happened, but "tough" seems to only mean "following the buff crowd" to some people. "Tough" isn't just muscle strength. Nearly anyone can pretend that they're like someone else. It takes a certain kind of self confidence to let yourself be passionate about the things that you love and enjoy around others. It shows mental strength, which I think is a huge part of being "tough".

In the earlier hypothetical, the latter guy would probably be the one to stand up for what he feels is right, regardless of what he's told to think. He probably also wouldn't be as easily swayed by judgemental people, and would probably be less anxious and insecure as a result.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Haha not on your life!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

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[–] [email protected] -4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

...like getting myself (intentionally) robbed and then shot to the head? I mean, you are not wrong -- it'll surely make me a better person in the end...

...if I survive, that is.

So I'd rather leave it as it is, thank you very much.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

???

I don't get it. I don't get the equivalence - if that's what you were going for.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Nice whataboutism.

[+] [email protected] -14 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I agree, but I also think there's too much "vulnerable" nowadays. It's important to be vulnerable, but it's also important to be tough, mostly when there's no big deal. "Some people on the internet are saying bad stuff and it triggered me and now my day is ruined..."

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Do you think vulnerable and tough are on opposite ends of a spectrum?

Also the post are talking about real interpersonal interactions with people in your life. The fact that you instantly made the post about culture war bullshit is telling.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I didn't say anything about cultural wars. I specifically avoided the issue in my example. Getting really upset because some wrote something is not a good thing for real life IMO, doesn't matter who wrote what (provided it's not news, of course). Part of a good society is the old adamant "I don't agree with you at all but will defend your right to say it".

We are constantly selling vulnerability as a gift, and I agree it's important to be yourself and be able to show your emotions. what about people who know how to be vulnerable but not know how to be tough? Do you think that is healthy?

For instance (this happened to me) : you have a son and he breaks his arm, you are taking him to the hospital and he is crying and worried, he is only 8. You don't know the extent of the injury, but it looks bad. You, as a parent, can calm him, even if you yourself are really scared. For me that is time to be tough. I can also show my vulnerability and tell the kid "I'm scared, I hope it is not anything serious" but in this case I find this showing of vulnerability a bit selfish, since you are adding to the kids angst.

As someone posted, being tough is not opposite of being vulnerable (that's op's fault, not mine) but if those are the options, sometimes it can be necessary to be tough.

By the way, I did cry once the kid was being taken cared of, and his sibling was with me in the car, and I explained to him that I was sad but confident everything would be ok.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I didn’t say anything about cultural wars. I specifically avoided the issue in my example. Getting really upset because some wrote something is not a good thing for real life IMO, doesn’t matter who wrote what (provided it’s not news, of course). Part of a good society is the old adamant “I don’t agree with you at all but will defend your right to say it”.

Who are getting upset at things being written? What does that mean and what does it have to do with vulnerability? You're doing the fucking boomer shit that kids are too sensitive these days while not specifying what the problem is What is the problem? Be a tough guy and say what you think instead of dressing it up in vague bullshit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

"You are doing the fucking boomer shit that kids are too sensitive these days"

You are an impolite person talking like that. I didn't say anything about kids and know kids these days that are more balanced than many old people. I'm millenial, BTW.

"Be a tough guy"

I'll be whatever I want, thx. Go tell some people to be what you like. Surely you sound tough with all that big words.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

People just wanna be themself, that also includes people not being forced to fake strong too hard to survive or be respected.

Also, your example is present also from the other side: "I said something so incredibly out of touch and bait rage on people online because I am such a tough person, look how tough I am!" isn't good either.

Looks like both extremes have their issues.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I answered to another post.

I don't know why everyone assumed I was chosing a side.

Actually I was trying to make a blank statement. I agree with you but I don't think people who post that kind of posts you mention are tough at all.

There are toxic people being upset all around and being triggered because someone is defending their rights. I think we as a society should be more tolerant in general and stop dwelling in absolutes.

But that's another issue. My point is that if the two choices are tough or vulnerable, give me a little bit of both depending on the situation. I wrote a personal example further up.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Dunno if you're targeting the emotional impact or drawing the line on interaction style - but being respectful and non-toxic does not cost anything more than the opposite. I certainly prefer interactions without toxic noise that have little to do with the people or topic involved.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Emotional impact.

I too prefer non toxic interactions, but also try to not build and echo chamber.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't think non-toxicity results in echo chambers though. The two are not mutually exclusive. Not even directly related.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not inherently, but I've been in communities where everyone is weirdly positive in the name of being "non-toxic" and it resulted in people generally not voicing dissenting opinions, which is pretty similar to an echo chamber.

I no longer frequent those places because it all felt a bit artificially happy like a kids TV show.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

This is kind of what I was pointing at. Maybe I didn't word my post well. English is not my mother tongue.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Vulnerability is not the same as sensitivity.