vampirsm

Breaking out of the family home with a big hammer and a box of animal pairs

Catching them all.

Broke into some noble’s house to investigate a murder and stole a bunch of stuff while I was at it, ironically yet stealthily stabbing a guard in the neck with a dagger so I wouldn’t get caught while discovering a secret chamber in the basement that led to ancient catacombs beneath the town, which ultimately led to ancient and mummified remains alongside golden chalices and crosses I absolutely pillaged and fully intend to sell for ducats, the significance of which I’m still unsure of.

i play gloomstalker rogue with criminal background in bg3, so my list of crimes would be pretty deep.

I genuinely don't know what could be illegal in Outer Wilds, tbh.

monopoly, anti-trust (OpenTTD)

Filling my o2 tanks, taking out the trash, and monitoring a tree’s nutrient levels. With a headless dead guy in the middle of the floor the whole time. Only reporting the dead guy afterwards unless someone walks in on me doing so first.

My normal co-workers will even vouch that I do that kind of thing regularly so it’s not even suspicious. It’s just me being weird.

… I’ll be getting the death sentence for that eventually.

Creating an endless torture mansion (finally got around to Sexy Brutale)

Saving the planet

Trespassing (minecraft parkour)

Can’t catch me if I’m 5 parallel dimensions ahead of them! (5D chess with multiverse time travel)

lol

~~Arrested~~ Placed into a mental institution* for the psychopathic / sociopathic actions that boiled down to killing everyone and everything, everywhere, using every weapon accessible. They were all evil.

I am the Postal dude.