Yooo that's Ben "Jammin" Franklin.
this post was submitted on 31 Jan 2024
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Ballin' Benjamin
H E L L Y E A H
It's all about the Benjamins, baby.
Our high school mascot was Robert E. Lee in the form of Yosemite Sam, guns and all. Our fight song was Dixie and there were confederate flags everywhere. We were also still doing desegregation busing until at least 2002, so there's also that.
Was it this guy? Named 'Rebbie'?
Oh wow there's more than one out there? I don't think that one is ours but it's been a while since I graduated
(For those wondering, yes this is supposed to be Lee)
Then how about this guy? (I got one more after this 😂)
ouch
My partner grew up in rural SE Idaho where there was a Butte high school, and they were the Pirates. The Butte Pirates.
They knew.
They should have made it historically accurate and depicted his catheter
That’s why he had the best dribble in Philly
Mmm. Gotta get me some of that dribble.
Ben Franklin mascot: lights the fattest blunt you've ever seen and starts hitting on the oldest woman in the crowd.
Me: Wow it's like I went back in time to 1776!
Imagine getting your ankles broken by Ben Fuckin Franklin.
Oh, I'm imagining it. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
He cranks hard on some kind of wooden scree thing, really putting his weight into it. A grey loco of hair slips free and dangles under his sweaty face.
“There. Can you move?”
“No”
“Try to get out”
You pull your foot. It’s rough compared to the nylon rope of the time you left yesterday. Your own time. It’s rough-sawn wood this screw is clamping down on your ankle, and it’s scratchy. But you can’t move. You try to retract your leg, but it won’t budge.
Franklin suddenly shouts “Come on, try dammit!”, and his fingers dig into your ribs, a mischievous smile on his face.
“What, no! Don’t!”
He’s a masterful tickler. “A minute a day practice on the pigs and hens was suffice to endow me with a reasonable skill at tickling” Franklin would later scratch out of his memoir, “and a mere minute per week since then has permitted me to reach divine heights of tickling prowess”
It’s unbearable. It feels like he’s going to grab one of your ribs and jostle it right out of your mind. Your brain shrieks right along with the rest of you and you’re suddenly full of adrenaline.
Your foot, drenched in sweat, finally rips free of the clamp. Without the slightest input from your convulsing consciousness, it plants itself squarely on his sternum and launches him backward across the room.
He’s pliable for a grey haired dude, but he still grunts when he hits the bookcase. He’s laughing though, as he slowly gets to his feet. Your other three limbs are still trapped. Your free leg hovers warily, like a cobra waiting to strike him. He’s still grinning.
“You see? Not so trapped as you thought you were”
You tense up as he approaches, your foot rearing back to kick him in the face.
“Easy, easy. Hey, easy” He’s holding up his hands to protect his face from your cobra foot. “I’m not gonna tickle you”
His hands are soft and warm. He uses a gentle touch to calm the quivering. It’s like water rolling over a fire. Your muscles relax, and he caresses the calf. “I’m sorry. I won’t do that again”. His glasses being totally fogged up completes the picture of the doused fire spewing billows of steam, and you’re calm again. He smiles warmly behind the white circles.
“Here we go” He directs your now-pliant foot through the rectangular opening of the clamp. “No more tickling I promise”
You’re staring at his face. He seems godlike almost. Like a huge slab of concrete meat. It’s fear and curiosity, but it feels like an insane obsession with something golden shining through his face. The rest of the room is forgotten.
He cranks the vise clamp down again. It creaks as waxed wood tries to flex under the florece and instead only vibrates and slips down the thread. He grunts, leaning his full weight against one of the lever arms.
“I’ll be right back”
He closes the door, and he’s gone. The heavy door muffles prevents all sound from passing, and you’re left in silence.
You realize your neck is hurting as you keep your head raised, your eyes still watching the door. You realize your head hasn’t touched the pillow since he first started tickling you. You relax your head back into the down pillow, and take a deep breath.
It’s warm. Outside, you can just barely hear a horse go clopping by. It’s hard to tell how far away it is. Then it’s fully silent. Dust motes swim back and forth in the sunbeam that spills over your foot.
It’s hard to believe you’re actually here: the 18th century! You flash a bewildered smile to the ceiling. Nobody will believe you of course, but that’s a requirement.
I better submit this before I lose all the text or something. Maybe I’ll finish this later. Don’t worry, Franklin may crush your ankle yet. We’ll have to see where this goes.
He is by far the coolest founding father. Just gonna drop this link here:
Ben Franklin was a rebel indeed
He liked to get naked while he smoked on the weed
He was a genius, but if he was here today
The government would fuck him up his righteous A!
Fort Collins HighSchool Lambkins
UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs
That's like the joke mascot you make up for your rival school.
I like it, reminds me of the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp.
(We are the Jumbo Shrimp, here to play a game aaAAHHHH!)
Did Ben Franklin discover electricity despite the syphilis, or because of the syphilis?
🤔
He got the syphilis because he discovered electricity
Bro, that mascot is fire
That's fuckin sick
Give a big cheer to your…….FIGHTING FRANKLINS!!!!!
My hometown team is the magicians.
Perhaps that was a cool thing to be in the 20s when they were named, but going to high school in the age of Criss Angel just made it pathetic.
Better than the ones that just recolor an NFL or NCAA logo
The Ben Ballers
Ah yes... Theodore Roosevelt High School
Peter Stuyvesant is New York City's most prestigious public high school.
Their teams are the Peglegs.
Like the cigarettes?
'Splain, pliz?
I believe they were referring to this:
I did a search for more information on Peter Stuyvesant and found out that there's a British cigarette called 'Peter Stuyvesant.'
The real Peter was the last Dutch Governor of New Amsterdam before the English [under the Duke of York] took over. He stayed in the New World and was a popular figure in the now New York City.
Nice article. Doesn't explain why Peter S. is associated with tobacco.
When academics meets athletics.
this is just one of the sixers logos flipped in a different color… lemmy still has a long way to go for sports discussion. wish it was on par with reddit
While you're not wrong, that doesn't mean it's not also their high school mascot. Many schools use professional team logos as their team logos. We were The Patriots at my high school for instance. And we didn't even bother to change the colors or anything. We just straight up used the NFL patriots logo.
They’re always after me Lucky Bifocals!
Now I want to see a pic of Benny Frank posterizing one of the slaver founding fathers. I feel like Patrick Henry would look alright with Ben’s nuts in his face.
“Knee socks round thine neck, my nuts on deck! TOP TEN STRUMPET!!!”
Stanford's mascot is a tree