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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Odd-Cupcake938 on 2024-01-24 10:39:49+00:00.
TL;DR Should I feel empowered to say no to this, or is this irrational?
For context, my girlfriends last (and only) relationship lasted 1.5 years. They had a normal relationship whereby they were in love and had lots of good times. However, he treated her poorly in hindsight and was quite manipulative and toxic, especially towards the end (all her words).
They had been no contact for nearly 2 years and out of the blue she received a message from him recently asking to go for a coffee.
For further context, my girlfriend and I have been together nearly 8 months and the relationship is strong and healthy.
She handled the text the right way. She didn’t open it straight away but instead talked to her family and friends before talking to me about it a few days later. She gave me the option to say no to the coffee but mentioned that she wanted to do it from a curiosity perspective.
Whilst I’d prefer she not go, and that the situation wasn’t happening at all, I do understand the curiosity perspective as I might want to go if it was me in her shoes. However, I also know that nothing good can really come from this and that ultimately, I don’t want them to meet.
My question is, should I feel empowered to say no, or is it worth letting them meet and trusting that it won’t cause any negative consequences.
Assuming her ex is as manipulative and toxic as she describes, I find it unlikely that it is an innocent coffee with no ulterior motives, but I do trust my girlfriend. I just wouldn’t want the ex to think he could potentially damage my relationship and have my girlfriend come crawling back after just one message.
Does anyone have any advice from similar experiences they could share?
Thank you in advance!