This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Puzzled_Wish91019 on 2024-01-24 04:46:09+00:00.
TL; DR took a break from my relationship, because I felt suffocated in the relationship, is my partner insecure or am I really a bad person?
Not the ki d Ross took. I(19f) told my bf (19m) that I need a 2-4 week break because I'm too drained for this relationship. We both made some mistakes but my mental health is down the drain because of this.
We started dating 4 years ago, 5-6 months Into dating lockdown happened. My family isn't the best and it was a hard time for me to be with them 24/7.(grandparents hate me and my mom and would do anything to make our life miserable like hurling abuses for not giving them the reason ght kind of spoon to eat etc.). So tough times. He started getting distant. We were long distance and didn't meet up for a while year despite living 15 minutes apart. My family was strict, but the one change I'd get in some 7-8 months to go out with my friends I'd try to plan to meet up with him first, but he'd cancel due to some reason but he'd be out with his friends on the same date I asked him for. Didn't text me for a week at a stretch, I didn't have a phone I used my mom's laptop to talk to him and he'd just do the formality of talking to me for 10 minutes at night and then say I'm sleepy and go to sleep. Then my mom found out some pictures from some old backup back when I did have a phone before lockdown, we were still dating. It was bad, I deserved every beating and everything she said to me but I'd break down, I'd call him but he'd never pick up. Saying he's busy. This went on for 1.5 years and I didn't have anyone else so I stuck around, maybe I was co dependent. I'd have panic attacks and breakdowns because of this. He later apologized for this when I started having a life at college.
Then lockdown ended. I joined a really really good college. Academics aside there were no restrictions in this place as long as I am Inside the campus and we're allowed to go out before 11pm. Reasonable. I made a few friends. One guy had the same pictures scandal like me. I'd have anxiety and panic attacks because my mom would still say stuff to me on the phone, which is reasonable on her side but he was someone I could finally tell and he wouldn't judge me. I do have other friends but he's the closest one I have here because he was one of the first friends I made here, I also have a third friend we 3 hang out in a group, but the third friend is a little distant because he thinks everyone is his academic competition and he's the kind who'd ditch you any minute if it benefits him. He's done that a few times. And there's another girl who's also really close but not in the same circle. I have a larger group of friends but these 3 people are the closest here.
So now here's how I fucked up, I smoked weed and drank alcohol (seperate occasions) with my friend 2-3 times in the college out in the open but at night for obvious reasons, the security doesn't care as long as you don't make a ruckus. He said that I'm out alone drinking at night with 2 guys it's not good this and that (he parties however he wants). I don't like being intoxicated in crowds and the girls here are very conservative. But okay I toned it down. In my 2 years of college I have been high like 3 times, and 2-3 times light drinking. He recently parties for 5 days straight. Idc really I trust him. He went to a party which only had booze and college kids and there were girls following him around I didn't care because I trusted him. He admitted he doesn't trust me and that I'd cheat on him for sure. He calls me a liar at the slightest of misunderstandings.
We had a fight one day and the next day I texted him goodmorning and then I had a really packed day so I forgot about the text and replied in the evening. He lost his shit saying I ignore him this and that etc. this is the regular cycle. I fear him. I have told him all this multiple times that this affects me there are better ways of voicing your problems but there's no change. He gets angry if I'm out with my friend at around 8 in the night because we got late from shopping, the fight escalated and he wanted me to cut him off, when I said no he still brings it up that I choose that friend over him. He'd always twist his words saying I never wanted that but that's all he wants in the end.
This is the regular cycle and there are countless more things. If I bring up the 1.5 year thing in an argument it's always "I apologized why do you keep bringing that up" but God I expect a level of understanding but there is none. I am the asshole but I'm too tired I told him I need 2-4 weeks to myself and assured him it won't lead up to me breaking up with him. There could be a bias as I'm only telling my side of the story.