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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAoveryatchedgf on 2024-01-22 19:33:23+00:00.
Firstly, my GF and I have a wonderful relationship. We're compatible, find each other attractive, and live together. We've been together 3 years now.
When we met, she was in an abusive relationship at the time, and I was single but talking with others. She quickly established that she wanted us to be a couple, and I told her she needed to break it off with her bf. She assured me that she would break up with him however she stalled and made excuses as to why she couldnt yet (he threatened to kill himself), meanwhile venting to me about all the terrible things he did and how much she didnt want to be with him.
She started getting very jealous of any other females around me to the point of telling other women that I was taken, and hers. This continued until I gave her an epiphany - him or me. She chose me and told me she would end it, and we ended up getting together. I stupidly assumed that was the end of it, and we got intimate together.
Fast forward a few days, and she comes to me complaining about her ex harassing her again. I question her as he's supposed to be blocked, and history, but come to find out she still hasn't broken up with him, and had spent time with him during this week, even having sex with him. I was absolutely crushed, tried to break up, but we talked through it and I decided to stay with her.
This has always upset me, as she claims it was love at first sight, that I saved her, how I was the best thing to happen to her from the first moment, but if that was the case, why did she sleep with her abusive bf after she found me? I understand the fear of breaking up, but she made a decision to sleep with him after she met the "Man of her dreams". This is something I've never really got over, or forgiven, but I did push it to the back of my memory.
Until she made a comment today. We were talking about the fight we had when I found out she still had a boyfriend, and she made the comment "I can't believe you thought I'd just let you have sex with me and then leave?". I told her I only wanted to break up because she wouldnt break up with her ex, and asked her, why she slept with her ex during that period if thats how she felt, and she just blew it off saying it was a hard time for her and she made mistakes.
I dont understand how it was wrong of me to want to break it off, after we had sex, because she wasn't being loyal to me, but perfectly understandable and acceptable for her to have sex with someone else during the time I thought we were exclusive. Why was she so dead set on getting other women away from me, just to go see another man herself. It seems incredibly hypocritical, and hurtful, and hearing how she views this has really made me question if I made the right choice forgiving her.
I dont understand how I could've been the man of her dreams, and love at first sight, and have her still made a decision like that which she knows would hurt me.
I've just always had a hard time with that particular bit of our history, but I've worked past it, but having heard her attitude towards that situation has left a really bad taste in my mouth and I'm questioning if I really can forgive it. Would I be an idiot for ending an otherwise great relationship over an issue that happened years ago?
TLDR; GF was upset I wanted to break up after we had sex, once I had found out she was still with her EX, but blows off her with her sleeping with the ex while we were supposedly exclusive.