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The paths we choose, and the paths we don’t. (therumpus.net)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Deciding whether or not to have children (instead of being resigned to it as an inevitability) is finally gaining social acceptability. But how do you decide such a thing? How do you make peace with the myriad lives you’ve chosen not to live, the experiences you’ve chosen to never have?

This piece is one of the most wonderfully written I’ve ever read about how to choose a path, and let go of the ones you’ll never travel. Truly an enjoyable read, even if you’ve already answered the question “do I have children, or no?” for yourself.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This piece is great! As a childless mid-30s woman, I ponder this often. I never had clarity on the subject of having kids. My sister, my mom, and several friends all describe a deep longing for kids and they were very certain about their choice. I love children and celebrate all the babies and moms in my life, but that longing just never happened for me. Maybe I will regret not having kids when I'm 82, but I've decided I would rather risk living with that regret than choosing the other path and regretting having kids. I'm a firm believer in only having kids it you passionately want them.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

The world would be such a different place if the only children born were passionately wanted by thoughtful, kind people by you.

I am a mom of four who deeply wanted her children…and I think parenthood is probably not for everyone. Think of any other demanding job that lasts for a lifetime that we would say “everyone should do it!” That’s absurd!

I believe we must normalize making the decision not to have children. Life is so full, there are so many ways in which to impact the lives of children.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I knew at 15 that I’d need to heal from the lack of my own childhood, so deciding not to have children was as easy as closing a door. No regrets. I’m sure my regret would be if I had a kid. That poor kid…