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The original was posted on /r/getmotivated by /u/Remarkable_Peak_2301 on 2023-12-03 21:43:29+00:00.
I'm going to go straight to the problems I have, but first I'll give you a brief context:
I'm 16, 17 in a few days. I've never been a very motivated person, just as I've never had a real connection with my emotions. Not like "wow, what a cold, emotionless psychopath I am...", it's just that I'm very apathetic; I feel emotions, of course, but like, if my computer stops working, I'm just normal, if I break a plate, I'm normal. It's like my dopamine base is low (which I actually think is the case). Most of the time I have to use my discipline or some extrinsic motivation.
The problems: I have Maladaptive Daydreaming, Limerence and Aphantasia. You probably don't know them, and as I was possibly cursed at birth, so I'll explain them in a simple and general way, and give an example of how it works for me:
Aphantasia: A lack of imagination. The person is incapable of imagining. In general, that's it, but it can go deeper into cases such as a lack of ability to imagine emotions and situations. For me it makes it difficult to motivate myself, I can't create a situation/return to a situation and use it as fuel, I can't have a purpose or something like that.
MD: A compulsion to daydream, most often used as an escape valve for loneliness, sadness and/or boredom. I've already used it for these three. For me it's difficult to really motivate myself for the right things, either I train while daydreaming all the time or I try to focus on training and keep it that way.
Limerence: Simply the worst of all. An obsession with the idea of a partner, being chosen for N reasons, having reciprocal feelings for you; also being an obsession in THIS, not just the IDEA of it. When I'm in limerence, my god, my world shines brighter, I feel more motivated, more normal; Of course, there are bad days, but I maintain my consistency. But when I'm not in limerence? (What's happening now) I just feel unmotivated, apathetic. And honestly, as pathetic as it is to say this, I mentally need a girl to obsess over in order to be at least disciplined.
Of course this is all just a phase, I'll probably be limerent again soon, daydreaming countless times etc. But this phase is just one of many, which are happening more and more. I've stayed consistent since August, I have discipline, but I can't keep going like this anymore. That's why I need help.