Cloudflare: We're the single point of failure of the internet
this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2023
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Funny and relevant with it breaking the federation on kbin right now. Nice job.
Hopefully it will change. I'm aware that this is a temporary solution
It might for the time being, but it's stupid to think a single point of failure and be fixed permanently. I don't get why we continue to centralize things when everytime we do it's a bad outcome. We have to be smarter
This reminds me of a movie from the early 90s called Crazy People. An ad exec has a nervous breakdown and ends up in an institution. He accidentally sends off truthful ads that he and the other patients write, they get produced, and they are very successful. It was a pretty funny movie. Some examples of the campaigns
"Metamucil: It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it, you'll get cancer and die."
"You may think phone service stinks since deregulation, but don't mess with us, because we're all you've got. In fact, if we fold, you'll have no damn phones. AT&T - we're tired of taking your crap!"
"Paramount Pictures presents 'The Freak.' This movie won't just scare you, it will fuck you up for life."
"Porsche. It's a little too small to get laid IN, but you get laid the minute you get out!"
"Volvos, Yes they are boxy, but they're safe".
Those are oddly compelling.
They're refreshing, really. I'd buy things with slogans like that.
I had completely forgotten about this movie until you mentioned it!
I recall there also being a Sony ad that focused on Japanese stereotypes and how they were shorter and therefore their eyes were closer to the chips they were building, and that made them better than western manufacturers, with some clips of westerners completely failing at their jobs; that one actually made me laugh out loud.
Edit: Found the clip - Sony - Because Caucasians are just too damn tall.
"Jaguar, for men who want hand jobs from beautiful women they hardly know."
Man, Atari really had strange ads
Comcast - You don’t have any other options.
Google: Don't be evil. We'll know if you are.
Google: Ok, yea we are evil. You got us. But now we're "Alphabet" so pretend something's changed.
Alternatively: Oh you like this product? Sucks to be you.
ARMALITE: Mass Murder for the Masses
Lego: the same product since the fifties, and that's actually a good thing
Lego: Same great plastic; now with all your favorite Hollywood franchises!
Nestle: doesn't your tap water taste better in our plastic, anyway?
Nintendo: you're gonna buy our game at full price on our console and you're gonna like it.
Niantic: thanks for your data, now give us $5 for this 2 cents worth of content.
Reddit: The Front Page of the Internet (maintained by suckers for free)
Target - Youll pay more to avoid Walmart.
Nike
Just let poor Asian underage and underpaid workers do it
McDonald's
I'm lovin' the wild deforestation of the Amazon rainforest that comes with it
Apple
Think different but still buy our piece of shit overpriced products so you won't feel excluded from the flock of moronic sheep you crave attention from
[edit: more came to my mind]
Apple: You'll buy it anyway.
OpenAI: Neither open nor intelligent.
Netflix: we may cancel this series, watch it at your own risk
Nissan- yeah, our cars are cheap-ish, and we finance ANYONE, but that’s so we can butt-fuck you on parts when our cars inevitably break, repeatedly.
Amazon should be "You want shit fast more than you want us to pay a living wage."
Nvidia: "Fuck you, pay me."
@kaupas24 Microsoft then: we used to monopolize the market by a shitty behavior (embrace, extend, & extinguish).
Microsoft now: we bribe politicians and have a good PR department to continue with our shitty new behavior (buying companies to fuck them up).
KFC: It tastes like chicken
Adidas - Because our founder's full name sounds inappropriate
Shein, Clothes by kids for kids.
Applebee's: When you want a skillet meal, but can't be bothered to heat it yourself
Why microwave food myself when I can go to Applebee's for (triple) microwaved food?
Sysco would just drop any pretense of branding and rename themselves as "Famine, the third horseman of the Apocalypse" and nothing would change about their business supplying all of the fast food in North America basically.
Any company naming themselves after the four horseman would probably see an uptick in business
Reddit: If we wanted your opinion, we'd beat it out of you.
“And if you give your opinion, we will call it blackmail”
Obligatory fuck spez.