The mundane nature of the offense actually makes it more terrifying. My final night of marriage, he raged because I was too morning sick to go out as planned and leave the house to him. It didn't stop him from doing what he wanted, I was just going to go to bed after feeding my toddler.

It's so mundane an offense, that you feel stupid telling anyone. Even having lived through it, sometimes I have a hard time believing it.

One time he almost drove us off the freeway because I knew more about genetics than he did. I had a degree relating to the field and he had once watched a documentary on it.

And he raged because I hung up the phone when he got home. He was convinced my friend Jackie was actually Jack (names changed) and accused me of cheating. He knew I talked to Jackie at least once per week because we were working on a project together.

There was a Microsoft profile picture named Jack that he was convinced was the man I was cheating on him with. I couldn't convince him otherwise, even after showing him it was in a file with other profile pics. He got a secret vasectomy to try to catch me cheating.

Spoiler: I was not cheating. I didn't get pregnant again until he got a reversal. Guess who was cheating and gave me an STI?

They really don't care. They either can't afford to realize their sycophants are abusers because then they'd have to take a hard look at their own beliefs, or they think being abusive is a feature, not a bug.