this post was submitted on 19 Dec 2023
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Or we could just toughen up a bit. You need to be willing to take life head on. Don't go cowarding away from your problems.
(Just to be clear do go get help if you are facing serious metal health issues. I've lost people to suicide)
Lol, my father constantly telling me to toughen up is what led to me going to therapy.
Toughening doesn't permanently do the trick, it leads to repression of emotion and is a very isolating thing. It's better instead to be vulnerable and expand your support network. One strong tree isn't as strong as the interlocked roots of a forest.
Like most things, toughening up can be helpful in some situations but when used for everything it becomes counterproductive. Like letting petty insults slide when they don't matter is a pretty handy skill, but there is a need to also know when not to and when to reach out so that there is support for when it is needed.
I'm sorry your father did that to you.
I'll bet more than one of them had serious mental health issues that were exacerbated by being told to just 'toughen up a little bit' when they reached out for support. Calling people cowards for acknowledging issues promotes a toxic view of men being able to open up about issues.
People don't need to toughen up. If they're struggling they are already tougher than you realize and maybe tougher than you can imagine.
Yet even the toughest can't go it alone forever. Nor should they have to. Sucking it up isn't healthy and it isn't a bragging point. It is unwise.
If you need help, you need help. Nobody has the right to tell you that you don't.
This idea that we have to be rugged individualists is bull puckey and is probably responsible for a lot of suicides especially among men.
All people thrive with support and without it they crash and burn eventually.