this post was submitted on 23 Nov 2023
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Autism

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Does anyone just wish so much of the burden wasn't put on you? (lemmy.world)
submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
16 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

It seems like all the onus is on to socialise in the meantime you are relentlessly judged for how you go about socialising or dating. I am on college right now and I am seriously struggling to make friendships. My anxiety is kinda on overdrive because of it. I am expected to know if I am welcome to come or not but if I am not supposed I am judged severely. Meanwhile there's no one really coming up to me trying to help me. You know I'd like to just once be good enough for someone to come up to me and say that they just want to be around me. Enough of the guesswork. I am tired of it. I'm in my mid 20s just give me a fucking break at this point. So much of my "disability" would just go away if people had the decency to fucking educate themselves and expect me to know everything. I put myself out there and talk to people. I've done my fucking part.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You seem to think that you are OWED relationships and friendships by the world. You are not, nuerotypical or otherwise. They are earned through effort. Just reading your posts in this thread make you seem unpleasant and anxious to be around. It may be time to consider that your personality and outlook is a significant contributor here, and not just your diagnosis.

[–] [email protected] -5 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Sit down, shut up and know your place. Got it.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (2 children)

My man, people want to be around people they can feel comfortable with. I have to assume the negative energy you are expressing in this thread is also being expressed in your actual life. You need to slow down and be the type of person that you yourself would like to be around. You want people to be understanding about you and your condition, you have to put that out there too.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

This is good advice. At some point I noticed some of my friendships were just people validating each other's negative attributes. I don't want to be or be perceived as a negative person, so I've focused on trying more to keep my negative vibes to myself. Those friendships have suffered, which is a bummer because I actually like and respect those people. But, if I'm genuinely feeling positive, I can be myself more and mask less, and that makes socialising a bit less exhausting.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Uh this hurts. Please remember where we are posting here and that people might have subtle but very relevant differences in the way they empathise and communicate. Thank you.

If you want people to understand you then you have to express the you. That's what OP does. Expressing their discomfort so that others can know about it. If others don't feel comfortable around someone who is not comfortable with them in the first place, then that's exactly what they should feel. Discomfort. ... OP seems to not yet know that the people they are looking fore will be the ones who actually understand such a mode of empathic communication, and know how to be comforting.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

I don't think that's what they're saying. Think about the reasons why you want a friend or romantic partner, and then have a good idea how you expect those relationships to enhance your life and what kinds of behaviors you're not willing to put up with. Then you have to brainstorm about what strengths you have that can enhance other people's lives, and honestly consider what kinds of patterns you may do or say that others are not willing to put up with. Healthy relationships are built around giving and supporting in a positive way, so try to focus on being positive and making personal progress so that others will see you as a kind, positive person and want to be around you.