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Nightly drinking. At this point, I don't know what life was like before I started, and as much as I know I'm shortening my life, I actually really enjoy the daily stress relief - I'm weirdly happier overall these days as a result, although I do keep my intake low.
I don't smoke, vape, trip, weed is a no go, as it triggers psychotic thought patterns, and I don't take anything else (unless caffeine counts, in which case, I'd rather fucking kill myself than give up coffee.) I enjoy having something to lean on. We're all dying, some of us slightly faster than others by choice. I don't think a couple whiskeys a night is all that bad, all things considered. The world is moving in a direction I'm not compatible with on a deeply personal level anyway, so fuck living until 80.
You could try taking edibles with lower amounts of tch. Taking 1MG might take the edge off for your coping needs but shouldn’t be enough to give you high anxiety or psychotic thoughts.
As someone who drank like you for years, it slowly became a much larger problem in my life. Sober for a little over 2 years now and use THC regularly to help when needed.
Sounds like you’re happy where you are at now but if you do want to look into it, there are stopdrinking communities here and Reddit (more active there) to learn more.
I have been thinking about giving cannabis a go again lately, but I'm honestly pretty frightened of the stuff nowadays. I was fine with it for years, but it slowly started manifesting thoughts of existentialism, consciousness, the nature of reality, and solipsism, among other deeply-unanswerable questions. It got to the point where almost immediately after the effects came on, I'd become paralyzed with fear over the fact that anything exists at all, but I kept using it because it helped my insomnia better than anything else.
I've only recently come out of that existential crisis after really having to work on myself to get back to where I was before that, which for the most part, I am. The only lingering change is that my firm atheism was shattered and I now find myself seeing the universe, consciousness and death very differently (largely in a good way.)
I want to get along with weed, but it's just too much for me. I have ADHD, and all it does is make me think even more than I already do, as one errant thought will always send me down a cascading sequence of increasingly more terrifying philosophical possibilities about the universe and nature of infinity. Alcohol manifests itself as pure bliss and anti anxiety. It allows me to actually switch off for a few hours and then sleep.
Trust me, I wish I could love cannabis, but I just don't think it's worth the risk for me personally. I've never had a drug fuck me up so hard mentally (and I've previously experimented with psychedelics and dissociatives as a younger guy.) There's something about THC specifically that fucks me up.
"I'd become paralyzed with fear over the fact that anything exists at all"..."I now find myself seeing the universe, consciousness and death very differently (largely in a good way.)"
It really does help your mind come up with some awesome ideas.
I don't know if it was weed specifically or my education and life experiences, but I'm comfortable with the idea that we can't know anything with absolute certainty. And since none of the questions about our existence can be answered (yet?) we get to be creative.
I can understand how it can be scary, though.
I now swing between the two, if I feel I'm having too much of one I'll slide over to the other for a couple weeks to break the cycle.