##Overview I have not cut my hair since 2018. I went to a stylist maybe 3 years ago to get my hair thinned but otherwise it's been just growing freely for many years. I've never had hair like this prior to now and any advice on treatment for it so it can be healthier would be appreciated.
It's incredibly thick. When it's in a pony tail, at the base of my skull it is probably about 1"—1¼" diameter. I've never really been able to freely run my fingers or a straight comb through my hair, as it gets caught on random kinks or tangles along the way. I use a soft bristle wet hairbrush and it has been fantastic for controlling my hair.
I notice texturally my hair tends to have a somewhat paradoxical feeling of being dry and oily at the same time. Even after shampooing, if I feel my hair, the skin on my hand will seem to have a bit of oily buildup on it. But even so, you can see that my hair is often frizzy and the physical sensation as I touch it is of it being rather dry.
It often takes a bit of time to soak my hair when showering, maybe 3-4 minutes of running water. When wet, my hair sits at about my pec, and I've measured some follicles to be over 16" long, though when dry the hair bounces up significantly, barely touching my shoulders.
##Goals I would love my hair to not be so voluminous when dry. It is poofy, out of control. I just want it to sit down a little more so I can have it down without constantly battling it to not get in my face and mouth.
I want my hair to feel smoother. Is silky a goal? Who knows. I've gotten a lot of compliments on my hair over the years and I feel like it could be much better looking than it is now.
If kinkiness and tangles are an inevitable symptom of my hair type, so be it. Otherwise, I would really enjoy being able to run my hands through my hair without accidentally putting strands out in the process.
Thank you for your consideration and time!
My hair looked a lot like that when I used to brush it. When you say it is thick - thick individual hairs, not just many hairs, correct? That's my hair too. I urge you to put down the brush. I used to brush my hair because it tangled so much, all these ladies on the old naturallycurly board used to tell me not to brush my hair. I thought they were crazy, or just had different hair. But once I had a crop of never brushed hair, it was so much smoother (still not soft, it's not a soft hair type, but it's smooth and strong. It is not so dry either). I use my fingers and a wide tooth comb to detangle for 15 years now. And never did I ever suspect it was damaged before, never a split end, never any obvious sign of damage even really long but the roughness and tangling was from micro damage. I thought my hair TYPE was tangly, understand? But now I can detangle while shampooing. That change just from never brushing.
Haircut sort of depends on your goals for looks, and how much you are willing to do to style & maintain it. Without seeing your face, I think probably leave it long, just clean up the ends and maybe some layers only at the bottom edge. But if you are willing to restyle each day, short haircut with curls on top would look modern and classic and easier to keep short hair healthy. Much maintenance in haircuts though.
Since I think our underlying hair type is similar, I am going to make a specific product and technique recommendation my stylist taught me. Innersense Hydrating Cream Conditioner, and lots of water. Section your very wet, clean hair by splitting horizontally to leave just the nape hair out, take a pump of the conditioner and rake it through that bottom hair until it feels smooth and organized, add water as needed to keep it really wet. Repeat, moving upward, at the end you will have conditioned, smooth hair. At this point if there is too much conditioner in there I section the hair again, grabbing the ends in my hand, scrunched, rinsing briefly only at the roots. "Too much" takes experience to figure out, but if your hair is resistant like mine you want conditioner on it, to dry into it, to add pliability and moisture - if you rinse too much you will lose it all. But all that water makes a difference too. I used to remove excess water and use only leave in, this (admittedly fussier) half rinsing business has improved my hair, and that Innersense conditioner - not their whole line - is absolutely magic in a bottle.
Good luck and you aren't starting from a bad place, it looks pretty good, I agree it can look even better.
ETA - be really careful about 'thinning' the hair. Strategic thinning with regular shears can work. Thinning shears in curly hair will cause frizz and heartbreak. Never let them use thinning shears and be very wary of the razor as well - that's not an absolute no but most stylists don't know how to use them in curly hair. You need your "clumps" pretty intact to get defined curls. Oh, and no, I regret to inform you that running your fingers through dry curly hair will always cause frizz. Mine is wound much looser and NO I cannot run my fingers through without the style going to shit.