Asklemmy

43376 readers

1371 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
[email protected]: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

450

What is the one most astonishingly dumb things that, as a child, you believed was absolute truth? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

410 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I dont remember the age, but it was before Kindergarten, thought men came into the house at night to load the next days shows into the TV.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I also think these are platitudes. In reality, no one is allowed to be "just themselves". But changing yourself to be more likeable (especially in social situations) is such a conflicted topic.

At least in western cultures agreeableness has a bad reputation and is not encouraged in boys, imho. As a girl you are raised to be agreeable and it is called "nice". I believe men and women have a different understanding what that means because of how we are raised differently.

In my experience some men seem to think nice means basically to avoid conflict and be especially generous (not necessary in a materialistic way, also offering help etc.).

While for women it means to be sensible to your partners feelings and plan accordingly.

These are two notoriously incompatible modi operandi: a "yes man" who hides or doesn't reflect on his feelings and wishes. And an increasingly controlling woman, constantly guessing and overinterpreting what their partner could possibly "really" be thinking.

A lot of women would rather choose a partner who is less work. Even when that means he isn't as generous. Therefore "just be yourself / confident" has a grain of truth in it. Just not in the way people might think. Another truth I had to grow quite old for to understand.