Antiwork

Hey, come back, you did not hear everything!! Obviously it's 1% AND PIZZA*!!!

* Pizza available in the limit of one single 25cm pizza per department. Pizza costs, including delivery, 50% tip, and 33% handling fee, are included in the 1%. Pizza costs not refundable if you didn't get or want pizza. Pizza is consisting of dough and tomato sauce only, all unsalted, gluten free, and raw, to accomodate all diets. Cost is 21.52 per pizza, rounded up to 25 for accounting simplification. Pizza is understood and accepted by all employees as a fitting and acceptable substitution for health insurance, 401K contributions, and the state mandated 10 min break every 4h. Employees understand that pizza is an acceptable substitute for bonuses, raises, and career advancement. By having pizza in the lobby, employees accept a legally binding agreement not to attempt forming, or be part of an union, for their entire employment at the company, and 25 years after. Individually specified pizza, with cooked ingredients, and other toppings, might be available to select management employees. By having pizza in the lobby, employees fully accept a legally binding agreement not to sue the employer for any and all pizza, or work, related injuries, any illness, and infirmities. Pizza is fully understood as a fitting and acceptable substitute for sick leave, days off, and paid holidays. Due to pizza costs, the day of work will now be of 16h. This is reflected by the additional raise, accompanying the pizza, and all together constituting the 1%. Due to inflation, the raise will be accompanied by a Company Utilities Team Subvention (CUTS) of 10% on all (non management) salaries. In the unlikely event the pizza is not enough, a second pizza event will take place next year, but employees will have to organize it and cover all costs, including the 33% handling fee. Enjoy your pizza, and remember to show lasting and continued gratitude for the opportunity to work in such a caring environment!