this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2023
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chapotraphouse
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It's kind of alien to me too, the idea of being someone's friend being taken as a social rejection (which more often than not means no longer talking to that person) because no le sexy sex will occur.
Yes, it's disappointing when someone doesn't reciprocate romantic/sexual attraction. For me the alien part is "therefore cut that person entirely out." If it wasn't intended to be a hook-up all along, it makes the entire social bond seem sus in hindsight to me.
In my experience, actually accepting a non-romantic friendship often results in additional friendships with that friend's friends if that friend actually likes you non-romantically, and sometimes those can bloom into romance anyway, often at the first friend's encouragement/recommendation. Don't do it for that reason (transactional thinking is a fuck) but my point is that fatalistically seeing "the friend zone" as some evil bad thing is self-fulfilling prophecy.
I will say, a lot of men's "friendships" are, uh, surface level and very emotionally unfulfilling.
Fuck, isn't that the truth. I fell in love the first time largely because she would/could actually talk with me about feelings and fears and I felt seen as a person for the first time.