this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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Let's say there's someone I want to call Mr/Ms/Mrs [Name], but I don't know their gender, is there a title I can use that doesn't assume their gender?

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (19 children)

Seconding the honorific "Mx". From what I've seen, it's decently well-adopted in the non-binary community. I've not seen it much used outside of that community--it seems to be used mostly when someone 'needs' an honorific but doesn't fit into the 1950s list. I've heard it pronounced "Mix" and "Mux". I tend to go with "Mix".

IRL, I've used "Hey, you" and "Yo!" when hollering at folks I don't know (example, "Yo! You dropped something!")

Sidenote: As a nonbinary person, I prefer not being given an honorific over being given the wrong one.

Minirant not directed at OP: And omg, if you need to go with a feminine honorific and you don't know whether the person is married, go with Ms, not Mrs. or Miss. The connotations of the wrong one are just creepy.
Not married and called Mrs="Hey, you're too old to be unmarried. Please feel judged about your relationship status"
Married and called Miss="Hey, you're too young to be married. Please feel like I don't respect you as an adult."
In all cases Ms="I don't know and/or care about your marital status and I'm trying to be polite"

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (10 children)

Do you have any suggestions on sir/ma'am? I'm from the south, and genuinely don't know how to stop saying sir/ma'am. I always try to go with whatever the person is presenting, and I have tried not to say it at all. But that southernism is deeply ingrained. Like at a drive through or something, where you only have a voice to go off of it's especially bad. I do try to avoid it, but I wish there were a gender neutral version, because language just feels rude without it to someone who grew up with that instilled in them. All adult people must be addressed as ma'am or sir, regardless of age in any kind of setting that isn't close friends. If I forego it, I feel rude as fuck, and most of the time whoever you're talking to also acts offended. But the last thing I want to do is misgender someone, especially with words like sir/ma'am, that are such... Strict terms. Halp?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I'm a fellow southerner with the same training. I use "yes, please" or "no, thank you" for the "yes sirs/ma'ams" and even the older generations don't notice.

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