Kindness Kommunity

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a version of [email protected] that more people can access, since some people can’t seem to see feddit.cl communities. this one is primarily english-speaking but all language speakers can use this.

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“Maybe he just…” rude? (self.kindnesskommunityalt)

submitted 3 days ago by religion6614 to c/[email protected]

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Sometimes, when I reassure my girlfriend, I’ll say when someone is an asshole, “maybe he just X”, like “maybe he just had a bad day” or “maybe he’s not mean, he’s just upset” or “your dad has to take care of the family, so when he’s mean to you or mom, he’s stressed since he cares”.

Am I being rude for this?? Kind advice please. Or when her online friend said “IM GONNA KILL EVERYONE” I told her it was a joke and she shouldn’t say anything because it was probably him joking.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

In “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”, the first few chapters talk about a man’s desire to fix problems and a woman’s desire to talk about problems. I don’t wanna step into the minefield of modern gender politics, but I do think in general this advice has helped me be a better boyfriend/partner.

So maybe less explaining why people are the way they are, and more “I hear you, that really sucks and I’m sorry they are being so rude”.

[–] clay_pidgin 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

That's definitely been my (m) experience with my wife. Only one data point doesn't make a trend, I know. When she's irritated or anxious, she rarely wants me to try to solve the problem.

I saw a meme of a chat convo with one partner complaining about something and the other responding "are we in the venting phase or are we solution oriented?" (Paraphrasing due to bad memory.)

I've started asking that (more nicely) and it has been great for our relationship. She accepts the annoyance of my asking, and I respect her answer. Only when/if she says "and now you can give me suggestions" do I indulge.

I'm also reminded of the "it's not about the nail" sketch. https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

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