Kindness Kommunity

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a version of [email protected] that more people can access, since some people can’t seem to see feddit.cl communities. this one is primarily english-speaking but all language speakers can use this.

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“Maybe he just…” rude? (self.kindnesskommunityalt)

submitted 4 days ago by religion6614 to c/[email protected]

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Sometimes, when I reassure my girlfriend, I’ll say when someone is an asshole, “maybe he just X”, like “maybe he just had a bad day” or “maybe he’s not mean, he’s just upset” or “your dad has to take care of the family, so when he’s mean to you or mom, he’s stressed since he cares”.

Am I being rude for this?? Kind advice please. Or when her online friend said “IM GONNA KILL EVERYONE” I told her it was a joke and she shouldn’t say anything because it was probably him joking.

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[–] religion6614 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I try to be kind to everyone but I’m also awful at boundaries, like I still used to stay with people who bullied me but now I’m better. I just like peace, I don’t want my gf to be upset at anyone.

Thank you 🙏

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I just like peace, I don't want my gf to be upset at anyone.

You can't control that, but if you could you still shouldn't as it's abusive behaviour to try to control other's behaviour and emotions. Instead understand that sometimes people are going to be upset and work from there in supporting them, try to understand why they are upset and don't let it scare you into controlling, dismissing or minimising other's emotions. Instead listen to them without saying "Maybe they just" etc and if you can try to see things from their perspective, or at least sympathise with them that what they experienced wasn't nice itself, and they should not have had to go through that.

[–] religion6614 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Thank you 🫂 I’ll try this

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

Sure, we are happy to help!