this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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"Well Mr. Doe, I'm afraid it's bad news. We found a mass in your chest, it looks like pancreatic cancer."
"Oh no, so what will we do about that? Will I get radiation, or chemo?"
"I'll be prescribing you a set of positively charged aura crystals, just spend some time near them every day, and let them charge under moonlight at night. I've also scheduled you a time with our resident chiropractor, he'll try to realign your chakras. Until then you could also try to stay away from Virgos."
Nurse fetch me some purple tinted quartz!