Stop Drinking

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This is a place to motivate each other to control or stop drinking. It is also a place for non drinkers to discuss and share.

We welcome anyone who wishes to join in by asking for advice, sharing our experiences and stories, or just encouraging someone who is trying to quit or cut down.

Please post only when sober; you’re welcome to read in the meanwhile.

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I Need to Quit For Good (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I know this sub isn't very active, but I don't have accounts anywhere else, so here goes . . .

I don't want to get into details right now, but my wife has made me promise to divorce her if I ever drink again . . . my heart is broken for the pain I have caused her to get us to this point.

I feel so stupid that this isn't the first time I've been here, either. I feel so stupid saying "this time it's for real," because we all know what to expect when an alcoholic says that :(

In terms of quantity, I've actually been drinking much less the past few years, but I think the infrequency might even be making my "mistakes" even worse when they happen :( So I don't have the excuse of infrequency. I can truly never drink again, and I'm so afraid I'm going to mess it up. I have CPTSD with terrible emotional flashbacks, and I'm afraid I'll lose control during one of them and ruin my marriage once and for all :(

So this is me, I'm here to join the stopdrinking community. Any encouragement, stories or advice you can give would be most welcome. Thank you.

Edit: Wow, thank you for the outpouring of support! I can't reply to all of your comments, but know that I've read and treasure them!

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Welcome here buddy. A bit of a TLDR, here is my story with what helped me, hoping it will help you as well.

I can only encourage you to follow that step and tell you that it is not as hard as it seems. I actually find it very easy.

I've been drinking for more than 20 years. It came to a point where going out without drinking was not an option. Not drinking when the sun was on the balcony meant being bored. Not drinking while playing video games meant not really enjoying the game. My friends and I always met in bars to drink in the evening (since being young adults) but never to do something else in the afternoon (whatever that is, swimming in the lake, climb a wall, anything else).

My wife and I divorced in 2023, drinking was not the only reason but it was clearly one of them, and an important one. As your wife, she was done with trying to save me and quit that job. That year was kind of a shit roller coaster with periods of abstinence followed by very down and drowned periods when I had an excuse to drink again.

I started to frighten myself by having suicidal ideas, by starting to think that it would be easier, how I could do it, what I'll left to whom, how my parents would react. Stuff like that... That was a strong signal.

So I went to an addiction psychologist but it was honestly useless, to me at least. Talking to a shrink is cool, but it could have been any, not an addiction expert one.

I just took the decision to never drink again or else... My brain is convinced that drink = die, as @[email protected] said in his message here.

I know, it can sound silly or effing personal development bull', but in my mind I only had two options:

Change nothing, continue like that and flatline myselft at around 50 after a last decade of decadence. Becoming a fat belly sad and depressed lonely wreck that no one want to love.
Never drink again and try to live. Take care of myselft again and live the life I am supposed to live. Why never again? At first because it is easier to say no to the first drink than the following 10. Later because you realize it is poison and not necessary, and it taste bad so there's clearly no reason to even have that 1st drink.

I like living and there are still plenty of Arts and beauties to see in the world (even if it's only around my place). I also read that "being sober is a superpower" and was thinking "heck yeah I'd love to be a super hero!"

So I chose option 2 and decided on a date.

I had read the book "this naked mind" a year or two prior that decision and it worked on me, kinda. Placebo effect is strong on me and I know it, I believe in it. But "This naked mind" was only available in English (not my native language) and was "too american" to me. After a while I just took a sad event as an excuse to drink again.

So this time I decided to read the OP one, "The Simple Method" by Allen Carr. It is written by an English dude but was translated in my language and have way less of what me and my fellow countrymen call "american empowerment". So it clicked way better with my brain.

I took what I wanted from this book, teaching my brain about addiction and alcohol. Trying to teach my subconscious of the truth about alcohol in our lives, social interactions, education, culture etc.

I timed the reading of this book to have it finished by the last day I allowed myself to drink. I had a last stand, alone at home. It wasn't even an abusive one, just a quality one with expensive food and alcohol but without a huge hangover the next day. At midnight I was finished and started the counter of my new sober life.

Since then I don't think about it, I don't crave it, I don't want it. I go out in bars and social events and go home earlier without having regrets the next day (usually it is around 11pm when drinkers gets annoying and talks "in closed loop", that's when you leave). Or I go home in nice company because I'm not a drunk wreck. I look at my health, mental health, finances and overall life getting better and that is cool.

Hell, I even have two professionals barman working with me on trying to open an alcohol free cellar + bar + organizing public sober party events in my city. So being sober is becoming a business model in addition to a way of life.