Credit: u/manchesterMan0098
this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2025
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Yeah this interaction is really weird. I don't agree with the second guys statement at all. Wanting to be in a relationship is a perfectly normal thing to want and isn't mummy issues.
Where does the woman go when she needs to be nurtured and have her batteries restored? Men aren't the only ones fighting battles out there. In a healthy relationship, you're supporting each other.
Also, not everybody is looking for a woman who is "soft" or "feminine". Maybe I want somebody who's a rough-and-tumble badass. I have a feeling that kind of a person would be a better support for my personality.
It's also worth noting...you shouldn't be using your partner as your therapist. If you're constantly trauma-dumping on somebody, it isn't fair to them, and it isn't fair to you, because they aren't trained in how to help you like a therapist is. Sure, cry on their shoulder when life is hard and all that, but if you're having mental health problems, go see somebody who's board-certified.
Tbh nothing was said about "men" not reciprocating that same function. We are all discussing based on assumptions, but I think it's totally fair to have someone with whom you can discuss the daily hardships of life, vent and share the burdens, while feeling loved. Obviously, you also have to be that person for your partner. I also wouldn't categorize the above as "trauma dumping", just a regular relationship where you share the bad in addition of the good.
No idea what OP meant exactly (not that I care), but a lot of the answers here assume the worst and go on a tangent IMHO.
OP started with "men do not need a therapist", and then implied that their wife or girlfriend should be their therapist instead. This is, in fact, an unhealthy dynamic, and that is why people called it out as such.
The way I read it, it implied that they should have a place to open up and have intimacy. I read it more like "the lack of that is what creates the necessity to go to therapy".
Sure, having an caring and empathetic partner might help me cope with my intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and ADHD, but I still need a therapist. My therapist understands how my brain works and gives me strategies for dealing with maladaptive behaviors. My partner likely wouldn't have that kind of education, and even if she did, that's not her job.
Additionally, there's already a lot of stigma around mental illness, especially for men, and that causes them to not seek professional help, because they see that as admitting to a character flaw. Messages like this aren't helping.