Transfem

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A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
Please be kind and respectful to all.
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This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.

Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.

Some helpful links:

The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.

Support Hotlines:

The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.

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Reluctant Detransition (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 23 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

7 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I’m curious how other folks have managed life after detransition. Due to mental health stuff (ended up in “grippysock jail” over half a dozen times) and later losing health insurance, I detransitioned some years ago. Semi-recently I went back on hormones, got an orchiectomy (which eased bottom dysphoria considerably), and now find myself stuck somewhere in the middle. I present as male exclusively.

I get that some people may wish to perform gender along the lines of what I’m describing, and that’s totally valid but it is not the case for me. I find the current state of affairs incredibly frustrating: I would like to be perceived as a woman. Or at least part of me does - another part doesn’t care and is waiting until I can become an hero and end the whole sordid business. In either case, presenting as female poses significant challenges, and I’m too depressed and discouraged to even try to surmount them. Even when I was more functional and had the pecuniary advantage of an allowance, it was very clear that no matter how well I honed the art of “presenting” as female, I would probably never pass.

So, to restate the question, how do people deal with the fact that (as those in some quarters of the internet put it) “you will never be a real girl”?

(and incidentally, should anyone be concerned, I'm safe and currently under psychiatric care)

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (1 children)

Do you think you'd have to pass to feel happy presenting. Or would you feel happy having people accept you as a woman who happens to be trans?

That latter part may be very difficult (or hopefully not) depending on where you live and your family/friends.

You don't have to pass to be, or to be accepted as a "real" or "valid" girl.

Not to hand wave your feelings away. I'm sure you've thought this before. Personally I don't mind not passing so long as people respect me as a woman.

Then again that might change once I'm out of the closet...

[–] [email protected] 9 points 19 hours ago

Or would you feel happy having people accept you as a woman who happens to be trans?

I live in what's nominally a very liberal area but in my experience from when I first transitioned any "acceptance" felt either performative (e.g. "I'm such a good person for playing along with your delusion") or coerced (e.g. "I have to respect your ""gender identity"" or I might get fired").

But I guess the core of it is that I don't see myself as valid. I'm not a girl because I'm not a girl. I certainly should have been born a girl, and I wish I was a girl, but if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.