this post was submitted on 19 Jan 2025
678 points (98.8% liked)
The Onion
4851 readers
1144 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Story time!
There's nothing in the account.
Fun story
Did you not add money? Invest in a single stock that went bankrupt? Get scammed?
Added money every paycheck.
Ya you were scammed or we're not getting the full story. If it was a real 401k it's composed of diverse stocks and bonds and stuff and if it hit 0 the US wouldn't really exist. Unless you were self managing and put it all into a company that stopped existing or something.
Every job for 34+ years, put money in every paycheck. Become disabled. Look in 401k, there's not enough for even one months rent.
I call that bullshit. I don't care what everyone here thinks. You're all smart asses until you find out.
You might get two months rent after 65 years! Whoooo
You're math here isn't working out. Were you putting less than a dollar a paycheck? Did you have one employer the entire time.
Assuming you did not, when you changed job did you roll over the previous 401k into a Ira or spend it? Even if you ignored the paperwork, the money should still be out there somewhere.
Yeah dude. What job let's you put less than a dollar in? Id love to hear that. The money is not there. I suggest you look at yours.
I am well aware of what my various accounts contain. You didn't answer any of my other questions.
Chance are you didn't roll over your 401k funds into an IRA and instead spent it.
Your post is so weak on details, I would advise no one to listen to you doomer advise.
More quesrions for you to ignore. Was their company matching? What percentage did you invest? Was it enough to trigger matching?
There are msnyneoole who have successfully retired with the 401k retirement scheme any bad results can be contributed to lack of financial literacy and responsibility.
Ya, this dude doesn't make any sense. He contributed every paycheck for 34 years but never looked at the account? Never once? Did he keep the same job for that long? How does he even know he was contributing if he never looked to see what it was doing? And he thinks he's uncovered some big conspiracy like no one else has used a 401k before? We're missing a huge part of the story.
There is a thin line between feeding trolls and calling out their bullshit in a civilized way because calling them out forcefully makes some people think I'm the bad guy.
My main concern here is making sure no one falls this idiots doomer advice because waiting to invest for retirement is a huge mistake.
And not everyone is raised by financially literate parents so they can't tell the difference between good and bad advice.
Glad you're admitting it.
Buh-bye now.