Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: [email protected]
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No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
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Mental Health [email protected]
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Depends on what you talked about you expect of each other. If "dating you and Mae" is not cheating for you, then it isn't. If you had a mutual understanding that you're not going to be dating multiple people, then it is.
I mean, I did say he could date multiple people IF I knew about them, which I didn’t. He was dating this girl while we were already dating and didn’t tell me.
Then he quite clearly broke your trust and an agreement. If you want this sort of behavior in your life, because he will very very likely continue this behavior, then you can continue with him, otherwise you should look for a better person to date.
The way these kind of people are not cut loose more often is because they say "I won't do it again, I can change". They might even actually mean it. Especially when this young. When it comes to sexual relations, our minds make us lie well by actually making us truly believe something false. You can not (fully) trust what people say when it comes to dating (or in general, but dating is one of the worst offenders), you have to actually look at the real behavior and what is actually happening.
He (and you) is young and testing things out. He will continue to do things he does unless they stop working for him. If breaking an agreement with you works and he can continue to break agreements with you, he'll learn that this is what works for him. People are actually predictable like that, we all work very very similarly, no one is special. So if you don't punish his breaking of agreement, he'll be much more likely to continue to do it. It's important to tell him, though, that breaking the agreement is the problem, not the actual dating multiple people, if that is truly how you feel. Otherwise he might just learn that hiding it better is the right course of action. He might learn that anyway, but there's nothing else you can do about that.
I know this whole situation feels very shitty, I've been there earlier in my life. But you should always make the decisions that are "best" for you, whatever you feel like they are. Looking for advice is already an incredibly good thing you're doing, just try to make sure you take the right advice as well :)
I wish you lots of good vibes in the future, you're on a good path :)