Facepalm

I refuse to buy a dishwasher with any kind of wifi or network connection in it. This is a hill I will die on. I will wash my clothes with a god-damned washboard before I buy a washing machine with wifi in it.

It's pretty obvious where they want to take these things. The clothes washer and dish washer companies look at the printer companies with envy. Why do you think they've been pushing dish and clothes pods so heavily? Eventually your washing machine or dishwasher will not work off of generic powder or liquid at all. Instead it will only use "cartridges," plastic boxes maybe the size of 1-lb box of butter. Such a thing would have enough detergent to supply a dishwasher or washing machine for many months. But if they really want to pull the printer game, they need the devices to be wifi enabled so they can let them phone home to keep the DRM working properly.

They are trying to turn dishwashers and clothes washers into printers. That is the ultimate goal of connecting these devices to the net.

I would argue that your career has given you the wisdom to understand how the phrase "just because you can, doesn't mean you should" applies to technology. So you just instinctively know that a dishwasher doesn't need a network stack to do the job it was built for. And adding one is creating a lot more complexity for very demising returns.