this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2024
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It's an excuse when they're mad and a reason when they're not
Or if it's a shit reason.
Note: all reasons are shit reasons if the person is mad at you.
As a child this made me just reply "I don't know" to those types of questions, since the result was always the same.
That's a common reply of children. Usually they learn to not reply like that.
It's interesting that in this thread people are mostly assuming the person saying that's "an excuse" is being unreasonable, just because the person posting is ND.
If the OP is persistently late for work and they often give shit "excuses" like "the bus was late" then I would react similarly to what the OP described. It's an excuse, not a reason, because you can solve it but have chosen not to: for instance you could leave earlier to ensure that even if the bus is late, you're still on time.
I never get the train that gets me somewhere "on time" I always get the train that gets me there early, because I find it important enough to be punctual that I don't make excuses.
That doesn't make it wrong. The people enforcing rules that explanations aren't allowed might be wrong. Interesting that you do not seem to consider that.
I teach students who live in villages with one bus an hour. If one bus does not run, they will be late. They didn't 'choose not to' fix this situation. Their parents are at work, they cannot afford a taxi, and they cannot invent a bus or wings.
I think there's a nuance here that's difficult for me to express. Explanations aren't wrong - not having a good reason to break the rules is wrong. The nuance is: what makes a good reason?
Your situation isn't a contradiction or counter to what I said. You have a different perception of persistent. If they were late for school every day because the bus never ran then you would presumably tell them to get the earlier bus so that they didn't miss an hour of school every day? Or if that was impossible you would discuss it an agree different expectations. This alters the definition of "late". You wouldn't simply accept that they are late every day - that would be irresponsible and make you a poor teacher.
The thing is that I used to not give those replies as a child, but it was always an impossible scenario for me, so I gave up.
Lot of assumptions you are making there, and I understand it but if you're not ND it might be hard for you to understand just how stupid these situations feel, especially when they're not regarding recurring problems.
I do encounter these situations a lot less now that I'm an adult, and it's less socially acceptable to just be an absolute cunt to me for no reason though.
I'm curious what you mean by ND. Surely there are a whole host of different types of divergence many of which will have no impact on this?
I am NT (afaik) but I find some things completely incomprehensible to me.
There's different types but a lot of them have very similar lived experiences, and they also tend to coincide with each other (people with ADHD often also have autism, OCD seems to coincide there too , and so on.)
I don't have enough concrete information in the area to 100% say, but from my personal lived experience, as well as from the research I am aware of, there is a major overlap and common themes in our lived experiences.
Thanks, appreciate the insight.
If you look at this poster's other posts, they're quite unpleasant.
I'm a teacher, and I hate teachers who just assume everyone can magically not be late, as if personal circumstances don't exist.
It's a reply of children because adults want to be angry with them, not find out why they did something, so people like you tell them to "just be responsible" etc without ever listening or offering support.
So if an adult wants to yell at you, you say "i dont know" and let the angry windbag rant and rave. From the kid's POV the adult/teacher don't care about the reason (y'all usually don't) you just want to have your ego bruised by a whole ass child dealing with whole ass life not about you being late.
But "i dont know" is easier than "mom has a new boyfriend who keeps me up all night and i sleep late" you still probably wouldn't listen or would then tell the child how they should handle the neglect of their education by their parents themselves, rather than show empathy and understanding.
Because it's about them listening to you, not about them being tiny people with no emotional regulation or rights trying to navigate a world where they are treated like little adults with zero power to escape abusive situations in school or at home of their own power, unlike you an adult who isnt the property of your parents.
But yeah they're just stupid little twerps looking to pull one over on you, right? They dont have complex lives outside of their time with you, they spend all day making sure how to make you feel disrespected by showing up late!
And that is why you get "i dont know".