this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
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Autism
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Here's what I see: she said you are stalking her and being creepy, you explain why it's not. In her head you ignored it, so she got her friend involved to tell you the same thing, you ignored it again. Now she panics because two people have told you the same thing and you have ignored both people. From her perspective you are a danger, regardless if you are or not, which is why she denied sending her friend to text you. It is something to remember for the future, if two people say the same thing it should be looked into as it could be true. I have lived with Autistic people that have trouble with social cues, so I have some idea of what went wrong.
I feel like this is a good read of the situation. Chalk it up to a missed social cue and file it away as a learning. For what it's worth, lots of people (autistic and not) have difficulty navigating this type of situation, particularly when in their teen years.
Ok saying im a danger is a bit of a stretch, but i get the point your making. It was a learning experience. See i think it was mostly the faliure on my part for her being "polite" and asking to just be friends and me missing that social queue.
and i was expecting just telling me to kick rocks. Which i feel was a large miscomunaction between both partys. And the friend thing was rather cryptic. Why not just go up and talk, i mean i was alone and im not muscular, tall Or violent. And me and (girl) where both in a mutal friend group, as soon as i knew who the girl was. I knew her, she knew me. It wasnt like we were strangers.
For added context, im a people pleaser and kinda a push over at least in high school. I always tried to be nice to people even ones that where austrasized for good reason. But i didnt know that at the time (kid cranking his hog in math class and got rightfully expelled a year later).
I just dont think ill ever understand why she didnt just say i dont want to be friends anymore? Instead of going through all this mess and complexity.
I know its kinda a deaf tone. But why cant people just say what they want. Like social ques are just so hard to read.
It can be difficult and uncomfortable to tell someone you don't like them. For women, it can also be dangerous because some men get very aggressive when they're turned down. You don't know her experiences and why she chose to make those statements. I don't think what she did was wrong.
I've been in similar shoes. It's really hard to notice the cues. Neurotypical people also don't understand how we think. Since they don't know what to expect they get scared. They don't know what other boundaries we're not aware of.
I mean she did tell you to kick rocks, in so many words. No one wants to be friends with or even interact with someone they consider to be a stalker, let alone their stalker. She called you a stalker which implies she doesn't want to be around you without saying so, many times people will avoid being so blunt about stuff like that for fear of retaliation. She was hoping you'd pick up on the hint that she doesn't want to be friends without having to confront you about it directly.
I'm not passing any judgement, I think you were right it was a bit of a miscommunication on both ends; she wasn't entirely clear and you missed the implications of her message.
I'm with you. While I've never been diagnosed as autistic, I do not pick up on social cue's ever. It's hard to explain how much better the world would seem (to me, at least) if people would just say what they mean. While being too forward could be misinterpreted as being rude, there is no room to miss a secret message when being direct.