this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2024
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Asklemmy
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I would say don't. My ex was into me as a person but I was a skinny flat chested sort and his ideal was fat and curvy. I didn't want to be like that but it's dreadful to be loved "despite your looks". Really bad for self esteem.
It worked out in the end, not with him but the lean body type survives life, pregnancy, etc. without as much change (small don't fall!) and when I got older, more guys were into it because I've aged well, and I feel better looking now - not in an absolute sense but relative to others my age.
Basically - you don't find them attractive, be a good friend not a lover. Just because you don't like their looks doesn't mean nobody will. They might be someone else's type.
Yeah, the other respondent's theory seems to be that she'll figure it out, but won't ever bring it up because she's just so damn glad that someone more conventionally attractive likes her. I don't think I can rely on that.
I'm certain she's aware there's people who have unconventional tastes, and part of the reason she seems like a good choice for me is that she wouldn't beat around the bush if that's what she wanted.
Honestly I never minded being "minority attractive" when I was, because the guys who thought me good looking really seemed to find me beautiful, and almost nobody is really universally physically attractive. She doesn't need you specifically to be into her looks, let her find someone who is. Someone is, I cannot believe otherwise based on what I have seen. (Like my ex, into body types I find grotesque, or the guys I dated when I was underweight who just were so fat-phobic that I could have been a skeleton and they would have approved.)
Someone is into her specific physical being, never doubt it. Don't mess with her head.
Yes, I don't want to do that. Messing with her head is the last thing I would want to do.